Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Should I be a hermit
living in a small hunt
beneath a walnut tree
on the edge of a cliff
with the sea below
spraying up onto
my thatched hut?
Should I be a city girl
Rising up in the elevator
to levels high
lonely in my own castle
in the sky?
Should I live alone
or in a commune
or perhaps be part of a clan
or religious sect
humming songs in a blind tone
along with a hip band?
Should I live at all,
is their a reason for ones life
perhaps that is more the question
when one becomes redundant
exposable or left over
from another era?
Would I even ask that question
if I was fourteen
when life seems full of promise
and shine and clean?
Would I need to know the answer
if I was twenty-five
when career, lover and holiday
destinations are more the flair
and one feels "so alive"?
Could I get an answer when I
reach the mid way section in life
the mark of decay showing up
a wee bit more each day
under the skin, hidden in the liver
only to be known when you
dare to give the doc a sliver.
are terms I have long left behind
for they bring doubt, confuse and drain
your essence of being within
this very moment your in.
Its all about the way you view it - right?
living, participating, being
in this exact point of your life
no matter upon which side
of the scale
your numbers show up.
Forget the need to please
The desire to achieve
Wish not your time away
fighting for something you can not
Simply be yourself and maybe
someone else will see
the reason behind your way
of living in the now
not tomorrow or yesterday.
Monday, 29 July 2013
Not everything you do has to make sense to others but you have to have a reason for your doing it, so that it makes sense to you. Then when you tell others, you can stay with ease on your pathway.
Often when we are talking with acquaintances, friends or family they draw you away from what you are saying, with comments that focus on the opposite to that of the statements you are making. They hear not the content of your verbal exchange; more only what they feel you should be saying, due to the image they have of you. The way you are seen in their eyes or the way they wish to see you is influenced by their own life stand.
A bit lost? Let me give you an example to illustrate what I am saying here, so we are together on the same track. Your telling a friend of the wonderful chance you have at work, to expand your knowledge of computers, by attending an up and coming seminar. It is being paid for you even by work but it does require you to give up your weekend to be able to participate and this will involve a bit of reorganization on your part. Yet the chance to further your self in this area of expertise is to good to pass by. It is something you have wanted to do for a while but did not have the possibility or finances. The reaction you get from the person your talking to goes along these lines:
“What, your giving up a weekend without pay even, to attend a seminar that your work will only use later against you, in that they will say you haven’t achieved the level they expected you to within the time span given. Can you really cope with the extra workload? Are you able even to grasp the information given? Will it not be “over your head”? Your family needs you on the weekend. I thought you didn’t like working where you are any way, so why even bother to further educate yourself when maybe you want to leave? Your totally non technical so why strain yourself?” Do you notice something wrong here?
Oh and how! Let us state clearly, that the only person, who should be concerned about what you do and how you undertake it, is YOU! Great if there are family, friends and other friendly foe who also involve themselves with your worth. That does make the steps you take smoother – sometimes. Cause swimming against the tide of “concerned persons” opinions is tiring. It is as if you throw on a pair of shoes from the gym locker rooms and you wonder why they pinch your toes as you walk – looking down you see you have grabbed someone else’s “covering wear”! No wonder walking is hard going. You have taken on another’s foot form and way of going forwards and this is not your own individual mould.
Advice is so often handed out left right and centre from so called friendly sources. This can be confusing if you have not learnt to “walk your own talk with pride and a sure footing”. Beginning centred within your self doesn’t need years of practice, deep meditation or eating a selection of certain foods. It requires acknowledging what you like to do. Taking the time to ask what could that be. What gives you a belly laugh? What makes your eyes sparkle? What drives you to want to do your own personal “victory dance” when you have achieved something of importance for yourself? Have you even asked yourself if you are on your pathway or that of another?
When I ran a half marathon or marathon I would choose a race because of its location amongst soaring mountain ranges as in the Swiss Alps, which reminded me of my homeland. Or for what I received at the end of the race such as one New Years Eves run that gave an over sized German bezel for all who finished. Or to celebrate a special moment in time, as when I ran the New York City Marathon for my fortieth birthday, videoing the whole experience and putting it together as a film later on, with my favourite songs and snippets of fun information that I had gathered in one of the "best runs of my life". It will be my “string of pearls” which I will draw out to watch when I am one hundred years old, rocking on the porch and reminiscing about what I have lived.
A lot of my running friends never understood my choices advising me to stay more “near home” or to take on a race that was flatter so I could make the four-hour cut or shorter that I could do more over a tighter span of time. I have never concentrated on speed but I always clocked a good time. I am an endurance runner so distance was never for me an issue. I do not look at squeezing lots in rather taking time for an experience. One or two events a year is ample. I am living the life I want and not what others think I should live. In doing so my running friends began to come with me on training routes and see the world through my eyes. Slowly I was being asked which run would I recommend as challenging or most magnificent for a view. My answer always remains the same – choose the run that gives you butterflies in your stomach when you just think on it, then it will be your race.
You know when something is right. You get the quickened pulse. The split second knowing anything is possible. The feeling you have come home. This is what will hold you to complete whatever you take on. Not doubt from others or their questioning your actions.
The same is for finding your walk. Stop listening to others. Taking their advice. Just be still. Listen to the small voice within you. Follow the whisper it gives out so that whatever you undertake to do makes sense to you. Be your own guide to living the life you want to lead. Give yourself the wellness hour of your life by following your wishes and desires daily. For when you have learnt to love yourself you can then love the world back to.
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Turn around and show me your colour! Let me see your passion. Are you burning orange inside or cool electric blue coated? I am a colourful person and splash out all the time with a strong bold colour statement in the clothes I wear. I love the vibes they create in me as well as the energy I get out of being coated in them. Do you shine or hide when it comes to painting yourself in strong tones?
Often I notice the drab shades of grey and washed out browns that dress the streets of my city in the autumn months and wonder why on earth would anyone in their right mind actually choose such colours. When the sky is brooding in various black and whites and a damp mood hangs over the minds of people why do they cling to dressing in the style of the weather?
Maybe they have hot knickers on I think and smile at the idea of the elderly gentleman walking in front of me, in grey clothes wearing lime green undies. That could be the secret to the spring in his step maybe! Or perhaps the young girl looking like she is auditioning for a death Vader job has a lipstick red bra on to remind her that blood boils by the vamps and that is the key to her wide smile!
Colours are fun. Colours are life. Colours tell a story. When we were kids mucking about with crayons and paper in kindergarten what gave you a real kick – taking orange or red and painting the sun, or electric blue for waves at the sea or hot pink for a ball and canary yellow with purple dots for Mums dress? By me it went so far that I would not be happy with a red or one green. Nope. I wanted lime green and emerald green and seaweed green in my painting box. Nothing ever has only one tone. There are various shades to be enjoyed when looking at an object. They show you the depth and qualities of the item or person you see.
Take planet, animal or human and place it in a dark corner and it will lean towards whatever sliver of light seeps into the gloom. It is natural to crave light. Just as for me it is necessary to use colour to pick us up when we get bogged down in some bleak spot that seems hopeless.
If you are struggling with an issue that is heavy and demanding of your attention just by wearing a shade of yellow gives you hope. Dealing with a swampy gloom then a light lime green allows you to breath lightly and feel uplifted. Burning inside with anger or frustration choose a soft sky blue for soothing your nerves. Getting yourself all caught up in knots from worry then take on lilac for intuitive inspiration and reconnecting to yourself. Feeling unmotivated then grab that plum red for motivation and movement.
Splash your color out there on your nails, in your hair or with your underwear choice. It need not be dominating your whole outfit. Just an accessory can provide the same impact to our unconscious senses and make us inwardly reconnect to the wise woman or man inside for solutions. The color will resonate with an impulse inside you to open up to unseen chances. You will begin to search for color to inspire, lighten your day and just make you feel alive.
Be adventurous and go with a tone you have not yet dared wear. Find out what colour lights your inner flame. You could be pleasantly surprised by what you set into motion by mixing up a rainbow potion!
Sunday, 21 July 2013
When I was a wee poppet believing in the existence of the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and elves, that wishes were carried up on the clouds till it was time to grant them, that crumpets with raspberry jam where created just for me and that I could dance just as good as Kate Bush in "Wow" because I was amazing and I thought I was incredible, life was full of spice! Then came reality. I decided I did not like what I was being feed. I decided I would make my own rules. I made a list of things I would always live by and wrote it among the chambers of my heart so it would soak into everything I undertook on my way through life's ups and downs. My world became a sensual delight opening up around me. Colours, smells, flavours shone with such intensity I would often smile or chuckle to myself making the person standing near me wonder if I had all my marbles.
I love lists. I will write neatly out what I have in my minds eye to be completed today, tomorrow or by the end of the week. Perhaps my list is a “what I would like to get done” account of dreams and desires. The one-word reminders, placed in rows on paper, have a purpose. They help me keep on track with my life. Eventually I can cross off an item when done, giving me the feeling of order residing over that which I am doing. My lists let me know how I utilize my time even perhaps if by others evaluations, I am wasting it! Do you make lists too? Are they just for the grocery items that should refill the fridge or for the dry cleaning that needs to be picked up? Or are they for important milestones that you wish to accomplish before you kick the bucket?
My lists are written on scraps of paper, the back of receipts, in beautiful small notebooks that fit into my bag or on stick-its plastered all over the framework of my desk. I have terrible trouble to throw a list out when several listings have been crossed out but others not and will often ponder over if I should rewrite it to help me feel I have less to do. As the pressure from a list of items needing a “ticking off” can be quite stressful in its own right. How often do you charge around crossing out this and that from the lists in your mind, feeling pulled by the hands of time? I have found lists years later tucked into the sleeve of a book when I pull it out to place in the recycling and wonder why did I feel that sorting all my children’s Lego back into containers holding the correct “themes” was so important! Or I open an old journal to have a list of life questions spring out at me and challenge still my present stand, even four years later. I begin to wonder, “have I not developed at all since then?”
Lists are for me a method of keeping awake in the present moment. Focusing on what I feel is important to remember and carry out. I think I began to keep them as a means of re-focusing when the Nuns punished me in boarding school with a leather strap over the palm of the hand. The punishment was for usually two things. One, was my answering back when an event did not seem logical or the reason given unsound to me. I stated this quite clearly such as when I had to drink a glass of milk every afternoon when returning back to the boarding house from school. The glass milk bottle was always kept standing the whole day, upon the windowsill in the full sun. Hence it had developed a very strong sour flavour by the time we had to “drink it up to create strong bones”. The second, was asking too often “why”. I could not understand with nine, that curdled milk did anything for the bones, more in my view it wreaked only the stomach lining making me regurgitate.
So the ground was laid for my rebelling and in the end being told “out with your hand” as the matron whipped out the leather strip from the side cupboard to “belt some sense into me”. Here began my “list history”. I would inwardly state in my mind, with each sentence she laid into the air, as the strap struck my hand, my two-word list, which I would, myself later abide by:
“Milk makes the bones strong, that is why you drink it” – “strong backbone”.
“You are a bad girl for answering your superiors back” – “always ask why”.
“You should learn to do as you are told” – “walk my talk”.
“You will listen and do what I say” – “listen then react”.
Maybe if I could turn back the hands of time it would help me to find another last item upon my list of “then” than that of “listen then react”; as I always throw up onto the matrons shoes causing her only to flip out even more and take another form of punish out on me. Which actually really hurt; such as denying me my once a month “Bathing” privilege – being allowed to have the bathroom and tub for yourself and not having for once to wash in the open showers with all the other girls.
Does it even matter if you have it listed to do but it gets left undone? If the last button on your red coat has not been replaced, or you’re not polished grandmas silver or brought the newest face cream that the advertisement promised was going to give you an instant lift! We have what we have in life because we walked down the pathway of our choosing. I choose to answer back. I choose to take a stand with nine. Do not fool yourself to feeling that you have been pushed or shoved into your corner against your will. We choose to be blessed or cursed. List your needs and desires with care; you will get what you need to develop further and never forget that everything is occurring at the right place and time within this evolving universe. You could say perhaps my childhood experience made me think before speaking out or when speaking out, state clearly my reasons for doing so that there is no misunderstanding.
My “listing” what I thought and understood deep inside me, meant I had to form clarity for a situation. I needed to question or look closely at what it meant to me. How it affected my life now and in the future. Lists can be for the short moment of completing simple items or for large challenges for which we “set a date”. Lists can be fun as “Why I love walking bare foot on the wet grass” style or they can be serious “What I need to accomplish before starting out on a new career choice”.
My lists make me see life often from another slant. While standing in a long supermarket line I am thinking how this is helping me “practice patience” today. Then the old gentleman in front of me bides me to go before him and I am able to “Give away smiles” and “Look someone in the eye when saying thank you”. Three items I put on my list of “do and feel once today” have already been ticked off. My lists help me be true to who I am. What do yours do?
Friday, 19 July 2013
Lists are rather fine
Just like mice and red wine.
They have their purpose
In keeping us awake
To what comes along
That time can take
Before we even realise
Just what still needs to
be done or should be
Yet they can also be fun.
You can make a list
Of what you’ll do today
With pickups, drop offs
Along with all other kinds of hiccups.
But the ones that make
You smile are those
Which seep under your skin
Becoming part of the person within.
Just for now my list will read:
* Be here in the now
* See only what really needs to be done
* Try not to hurt anyone
* Answering only if it’s productive for you and me to live further in harmony
* Have fun
* Be thankful and
* Drink loads of green tea!
Friday, 12 July 2013
I am, several people, rolled up into one. I have various tasks to complete within a day. Those that are necessary and those I place upon myself. The fulfillment of my various roles: wife, mother, friend, teacher, writer, restaurant owner make my world, I find, spicy and enticing. I am also a hard driver of the person I am and want to become. Rushing at a speed along the path upon which I walk, often with such an intense pressure I first realize this, when my knees become weak, bucking underneath me. Or I turn into a quite space within a deeper part of my being, which viewed from the outside seems as if I am evasive or cold. It is in these moments that the whisper in me has taken hold and I am carried to the other side of where I stand. I am being given what I need to know. Shown how to understand. I demand of me a level of high expectation that a lot of others would never realize. It can torture the inner Korus with my thoughts of “getting it right” till I literally make myself physically sick.
It is what I hope makes my passion to give so abundantly and satisfying for those receiving. It is because I have been born with an enormous hunger to be loved and hugged, that I have the desire to go out and give intensively my support further, a thousand fold over if needed. It is also due to the fact I “see” so much on different levels and although I do not share this verbally (the various holistic trainings I have or have inherited; as that is not always good!) I let it flow into what I undertake with the hope that this empathy transforms itself for those receiving it into a form, that helps them find their pace and place in life. I do not have to be myself depressed, have had cancer, be dealing with a life changing situation, be in a marriage break up, have burnout, just to name but a few areas, to have an insight into why you are at the stages in life that you are, so as to be able to reach out to nourish you; to help you through your issue, with my thoughts and words. This is why I dare to ask:
“Would you even miss me when I am gone?”
I suppose like any one, if I am honest I would like to think so but is it the person or the essence of whom I am, that you will miss or are they one and the same? It could be that you are probably going to miss what I did for you, when I am gone. Perhaps not the essence of me because you just have gotten so used to having me around now, you have no idea any more my real voice. That happens so often in life. You take for granted that which stands right in front of you. Is your breakfast on the table each morning because there is "that other half" that always has the bread, butter and jam ready? Or do you have automatically your shirts ironed ready for work? Or are all your "appointments" nicely placed in the monthly calendar? Or the holiday organized down to the last dot and nail.
Have you ever thought about writing your own speech to those that loved you or said they did, for your funeral? I have heaps of times. I have visualized my exit often. For it makes me stay alert and aware, in the present moment, taking responsibility for what I say, do and think. It is for me a “self-check” that I am being true to the route I am walking along. Coming from a clear space. Being honest. Loving myself as much as those whose lives I touch each day. Giving lavishly, without expecting anything back.
I see one variation of my funeral, in that those I love do exactly that which goes against who I really was, when saying their goodbyes. It is only their idea of what I stood for. Their view of the organizer little working machine or slave to routine that I seemed to be to them. Not words or a ceremony relating to the real me, that of my true inner core. Why would this be so I ask? Is it because very few take the time to know me - they are running around grabbing just the edges of what I have said so later perhaps a few months down the track, when bumping into me, it can casually be brought up again. No matter if the information is so old hat I have to think hard about what they are referring to. For them they just feel chuffed they remembered something which somehow involved me and do not see the stupidity of their words, due to the topic being long solved or dissolved, no more a part of my being. Or is it because I am not being clear about the real me?
Actually do you even want one – a funeral that is? Sorry but we must stay on track here. Let us be honest, it is really only a money-making action. Life still goes on for those of us still breathing. The same dramas, panic station attacks or whatever thrills. That is why I loved “Six feet under” (a HBO cable network series) so much. It is all coffins, dressing you up, makeup over a cold skin, flowers and champs. Yet it showed the real world still trying to deal with the remnants of what the dead had left behind. Are you feeling a little repulsed? I really hope so. Why you ask shaking your head, this is morbid. So I will tell you.
For the simple reason that we should be embracing and celebrating life while it is here now, not when it is gone onto another level. To do this though we must look at what we would have left behind to see perhaps what we are not doing now! We celebrate our birth before we even arrive. Baby showers, presents for the unborn, decorating rooms for the new arrival. Yet our last stage of existence is hardly ever looked at in advance and can honestly not be described or guaranteed, by anybody. No matter which belief you follow, no one knows really what is after the moment of our last breath. I wish no disrespect to your beliefs, hopes or perhaps the building blocks for how you live now because of what you expect to get when your dead. I am only concerned about this second we are now in and whether we are living it intensely, vibrantly and with the purpose to leave something of value behind. If my words and actions effect only one soul then I have completed what I came to do – share my love, light and being with another.
Yet to do this I have to use integrity. Draw upon my own experiences. Sometimes pictures and tunes take us back to where we need to go so we can step forward. I have Jimmy Cliff singing in my ears as I write this and he takes me by the hand down memory lane by telling me "I can see clearly now" because the sun shows me the way back to dancing with daisies between my toes, wearing a colourful flower frock, long red hair flying in circles and smiling with my two front teeth missing because they wanted to fall out together (so the tooth fairy could bring me extra pennies under the pillow at night) holding the hands of the first man whom showed me he thought I was the best thing since sliced white bread ~ my Dad! He did not care if it was Sunday morning in Hagley Park in Christchurch - "Otautahi"; or if any one was watching us holding hands, singing loud, spinning around in circles and laughing. He was showing me what "Aroha" means: compassion, tenderness, sustaining love. Then I was eight he was 31. Tonight I will call him to tell him how much I love him for what he continues to give me even now in my adult life. I will never let a moment go by to let him know of my love for him as he still lives.
Stop what you are doing and take this very moment to state exactly how you’re feeling – to yourself! If being ignored pisses you off; voice it. Are you feeling peeved because you have again been over looked; state it. Are you feeling full of an abundance of joy? Then let it out and embrace those standing near you. Let them experience the pure essence of you by expressing exactly your emotions, within this moment you stand in! If you cover these parts of yourself with a false coat, they will only get confused when you suddenly “break out” in frustration at not being understood. A one second explosion from compressed anger causing untold grief is more damaging for all in the long run. How should they recall you later if you never gave a clear picture of yourself when living? You did not live life simply. You complicated it. You were not straight up. You should speak out and walk your "talk".
If you have kept reading till hear well done. Things that make us uncomfortable are often because they ask us to look deep down into our core beliefs. They challenge us to go beyond our comfort zone and for good reason. We hold so much in. Controlled temperaments. Weighed up decisions. Balanced, thought through feelings. When I was young, unsure of how others would feel if I shared who I was, I held often back that which was the true me. I had yet to learn to love myself. Loving yourself is hard work. Having a passion for who you are requires trusting yourself. That comes with time. Once I began to feel the love within me, being honest with who I was, I began to trust myself to share it. It is like looking at yourself in a mirror and saying not “I like you, your ok, I can bare you” but “I adore you, you vibrate, sexy wo-man, let us embrace” to the reflection staring back over the glass shine. It does not come automatically. It needs you, to take yourself seriously. It requires that you, know where you stand in life. It is an opening of your real heart, to letting in a deeper level of love seep into your bone marrow.
Respect should not be given when you cannot be here to receive it. Acknowledgement of the person you are doesn’t help when you cannot physically answer with a “thank you”. When I am gone you will miss the fact you can not hear my cheeky reply to a silly statement, that I laugh at the wrong moment or right down from my belly in a earthy way or charge like a bull in a china shop with my at times stubborn opinions or blunt statements. It is because these traits make up who I am. They are the rough edges to what I hope others see or feel as the caring, sensitive and reflective person I am deeper inside. Please do not wait to tell those who you respect, love, care for, need or enjoy having around, that you enjoy their company, firstly at their funeral. Take this space you are living in at the present moment to talk, ring, hug, dance, sing and love with souls whom understand you or at least try too, while breathing in the air you live with today and not the vapors that hang in the mist of tomorrow.
Be with me now, here. Experiencing the flame that burns inside me, for creating an area of understanding and support to the person who is living with you in your own household or working with you in the office or shares your past but is only separated from you, by a phone call. The dear souls we share daily our lives with in memories and in reality. All change begins at home, on our own doorstep. So open up. Speak up. Step forward. Reach for the light within others by being honest towards your own desires. Turn on your spark for us to see.
I will not write the speech of wishes of what could have been, to be read at my funeral. Instead I speak out now the desires I have for our future together and my appreciation of the fact I can step into it with you by my side! Then when I am walking further on the other side you can raise your glass of sparkling and say if you have the need:
“Thank the heavens I knew this woman and went with her into valleys I never dreamed of stepping into and going through. She shared her whole self, her secrets and passions, her fears and terrors with me and together it became “our way” because it meant I was able to live with her a dream she had. We placed it into the reality of now. The fruits of this are still here to taste. Our efforts have visibility now. We loved. We cried. We danced. We lived. It was good to have really known her. She revealed herself to me and by taking her hand; I reached higher than I ever would have because she showed me how to love me. How to just be. She was true to herself; allowing me to be honest with myself. I love her eternally”.
Sunday, 7 July 2013
When you view the media now days then you can see why it is so hard to trust and treasure inner values, no matter in which life stage you find yourself. Youth is held up on a pedestal like the fattened golden calf, to be both worshiped and fought to obtain. I say this with tongue in cheek but how else would they get half the guys to run around in jeans covering their knees and not their bums or girls with waists no one wants to see on view because with intention only, half a t-shirt was sold. Worse still when mutton decides to dress as lamb and wear the same articles because they fight against being in their real life time or space. It is feed to us in monstrous doses, that if you can not stretch, tuck or paint your body to stay somewhere between 18 and 25, then your not worth knowing.
Usually the time you realize perhaps it is the way it is, occurs when the children move out of home and you feel that you are not needed or wanted so often any more. This could be the moment when you feel time racing against your inner clock in contradiction to how you actually want to live. Suddenly you have your own time back to complete all those items you have been wishing over the years to do. Yet on the other hand you ask yourself why bother. For who are you sewing patchwork cushions for or putting albums together of vacation photos or weeding continuously your herb garden when you have no date to cook up a meal with them... the list could become quite long if you wanted. You begin to see yourself more as a person slowly being pushed towards the rubbish dump than dusted off and held with pride on the shelf or to be loving placed amongst the treasured items.
This is the moment to turn the question around to "for who am I still of value?” Begin with knowing that every action, thought and desire you set into motion; you do for you on one level and unconsciously for all those people that come into contact with you on a second level. No matter at what point of your life you are, the actions you do radiate outwards like "waves" from your inner being, being felt sometimes at a consciousness you will never experience personally. It is part of your being needed here and now, without knowing of those who benefit from your existence.
To be able to survive in today’s world means you should be able to adapt to all types of situations, which includes life’s stages. You are not always given a perfect block of land upon which to build your castle. Maybe you have a stocky build that is being to wrinkle and sag or be inflicted with another ailment due to wear and tear. Sometimes, you need to only know, where there is a will there is a way. Have the strength to accept your "stages in life" along with their physical and mental changes as chances to try out something new, different, daring! Maybe there is a charity or volunteer group you have thought about looking into. There are so many people in need of support; a helping hand, a friend to listen and this could be just where you’re needed. Think over what you are good at then contact your local church, kindergarten, old peoples home, youth centre or other institution, which interests you, to see if perhaps they could "help you help others!" Or maybe you have always wanted to trek the mountains for weeks on end with a guide. Then begin my hiking on the weekends over your surrounding countryside, building up your condition while planning "the" event. Maybe join a local hiking club for support and like-minded folks whom will encourage you to reach to heights beyond the flat footpath.
There is one very small secret to retaining youth: always nourish a giving heart and go out and give freely. Then you will never be alone and grumpy, wondering why know one wants to know you. Or frustrated because you see that around you in a state of stagnation including yours truly. Asking yourself how can it be life was so much more interesting before this moment in which you are, is only blocking you from rising from the ashes of your past age into the glory of your new flame! Every thing has its place within time. It is just the way it is, so go and embrace the only moment that counts – the now!
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