Monday, 31 March 2014
How do you formulate your words? Are you aware of your self-talk? What about the words you comprise into sentences, which inform others about your opinions or actions. Do these show us who you really are or are they just a collection of wishful thinking statements, given out like kisses blown into the wind but baring no weight? A kind of “catch me if you can” motion that leaves one wondering what on earth do I even have in my hand!
So often it is said, to speak out a thought, is to place it into action. Your dreams are bundles of energy (your personal life desires) and when you formulate them into words you give power to these often simple but precise messages. Would you wish for over and over again, the healing of your daughter’s asthma, by stating you would give an arm and a leg for that to happen? Careful now because it has been known to become reality more than you would realize. Such a case occurred where the father said it whenever his daughter had an asthma attack. Then “one day” came about and that which he so forcefully focused upon occurred: through a car accident he got what he wished for - in a triple pack: the loss of an arm, a leg and his daughters asthma was history!
It is not hocus locus either. The airplane did not fall from the sky and land fully equipped to fly on a Tarmac that was magically built to accommodate it. A person had to desire first to fly like a bird, high up in the sky, over a great distance for this to consolidate. This wish, this thought, needed to be dwelt upon, mulled over, find a place deep within the cells of the brain from the heart desired emotion, to become reality. And it did. We all benefit from this simple yet precisely laid out wish today.
Therefore it is correct to state, “be careful what you wish for”. If you spend every waking moment cursing your life situation, being within a space full of hate and self loathing what do you expect if you never have the ability to step out of the swamp. Your heart can desire escape, for as long as it wants but if tell yourself tenfold over through your “self-talk” the opposite, your placing a strong bet on retaining what your stating.
Don’t believe me? Ok, how often do you state as you see your reflection in a window, “Oh heavens above look at the size of my thighs” or “who is the monster there?” Maybe the last time you hit the delete button for the complete text instead of for one word only in a text, before saving the item, you also said simultaneously to yourself “what an idiot I always am”. When you arrived home from grocery shopping only to remember you forgot to stop by the animal store to pick up the dog food you thought “I have no functional brain anymore; can’t I remember anything!” Or as you practiced with your partner the new dance steps in couple’s class you mutter “I will never get this right I always have two left feet. I am so clumsy”. Getting the drift here?
We belittle, curse, be cruel or plain right punish ourselves with our self-talk for what we see as faults, shortcomings or stupidity in our own lives on a regular basis. This form of repetitive confirmation on a specific fact is taken into our inside world, with a very clear message to the outside influences - “this is how I see myself, so this is what I will experience” and we will then be given more and more and more and more of the same.
Scared now? No need to be. Actually you would assume you should be but we have been equipped with a wonderful capability to rebound from negativity. Otherwise we would all have very short lives, filled often with horrible re-occurring events that would be worse than a nightmare. Rather just become aware of what you are doing to sabotaging your own life. Begin by taking the time to see what you are actually repeatedly banging into your heart about yourself. There are zillions of ways you could go about this. As heaps of self-help groups exist to “lighten your load and wallet”, loads of written material is out there to read, up-teen-dozen organizations are available to tell you the seven-steps to re-creating your world to get the jackpot that awaits you or there is a guru who can have you shave your head, recite rhymes and be another person when following in his/her footsteps within this life time (worry about the next when you get to Nevada) but it can be simplier if you wish.
Remember Dorothy from the children´s story “The Wizard of Oz” and her three strange companions she encountered along her pathway to getting herself back home? They all had hick-ups about how they looked or were accepted or understood. Each spent a lot of time focusing on these, as they saw, “downfalls”. As the story evolved we were given the key to understanding how to turn a negative into a positive. It involved a very simple truth. Takes a heck of a lot of focus. Means you will need to look clearly at yourself. It requires you be patient. You will have to spend time with the one person who cannot leave them room when you enter it; you. Yet it is worth the effort.
You have to just learn to love yourself and begin to tell the small child within that over and over and over again without any ridicule, rules or ranting and raving. Love yourself. Stating you are lovely just as you are now, lovingly giving yourself the space to grow into what you desire, loving being in the moment in which you stand without judgment. Love you. A lot who have read to here, will be shaking their heads and saying “oh yeah I knew it would not be easy!” Why are you doing that to yourself? Why is it not easy to love YOU? Your mother did that the moment she saw you wrinkled and screaming just after having birthed you. I bet you did not look a pretty picture then yet that love will hold a lifetime even if circumstances are to tear you apart.
You can go to as many meetings or tap on trigger points or do therapy sessions till you have talked about things that actual never really existed if that will help you learn to tread softly along the pathway of your life with love, compassion and faith in the person you are. I strongly believe though each and every one of us was given this special voice within us to help turn the negativity around. We have just forgotten that our self-talk should be like soft feather strokes brushing against our cheek and making us giggle. Reminding us to laugh as we stumble. Our inner voice is the gentle loving hand that guides us away from danger and hurting ourselves, by reminding not scolding. The unspoken words, which swirl in our head, should uplift us to reaching heights we desire to attain.
Touch upon your inner voice by letting it take charge for a day. Let it be love. Not what others expect or society dictates. If you allow yourself to be loved it can love back the one person who needs loving most - you. Begin allowing it to whisper sweet nothings into your ear now and become whole again.
(For those of you whom wonder how to start going about what I have written above; one way is to take note of what you say repetitively to yourself i.e. "oh your stupid" and turn it about by writing the "new self-talk" out and posting it with post its on the mirror in your bathroom, the steering wheel of the car, the inside of your wallet, the control to the TV or computer key board. A few main places you spend a lot of time at. So your new way of referring to yourself when you "stubble along your pathway" is now "oh I am learning" or "the next time will be even better" or "I can do it now" or "we are getting there". Then when the negative self-talk slips in, read the uplifting comment and smile to yourself, loving the fact you are you. It will begin a change that is tangible.)
Tuesday, 25 March 2014
I adore my one-day off a week blissful Tuesday. It is the day that I spoil myself and choose with care what I undertake to do. It was not always the case but over time, I have realized that if I allow my senses to be tantalized and cared for, with stimuli that I love then I am balanced for the workweek ahead. A by-product is also that my family and friends benefit from the increased energy of a woman in her prime and not a frantic, washed out work junkie!
Perhaps you wonder how does one prepare a day for wrapping yourself up in arms of love and doing what you want to do? To start with you must let all know that it is your day off. This is the hardest part and often difficult to carry through at first. Most especially when you run your own business. It will take time to sink in. Just last week I had a winery that wanted me to come by to pick up wines on a Tuesday afternoon. The female boss of this house is aware of “my day” but the male counterpart has the tendency to forget. A firm but pleasant reminder that I had plans for “me” today and could we settle on a time tomorrow, brought up the response; “Oh yeah its your day thing. Um, I forgot; sorry slipped my mind. Are you going to the movies? Mmm. I could bring it by instead tomorrow afternoon. How would that be?” My response, “perfect!”
Even amongst your friends, the fact that you have at the start of their week, your free day and are never available for parties, birthday celebrations, weddings or just having fun, on their weekend, never really sinks in. One has to always hear the, “Oh, yeah your working. I forgot”. The secret here is to not get your stomach in knots with frustration but to plan your own get togethers at times that suit them and can be still enjoyed by both. A Saturday afternoon’s coffee and cake break is rather nice before a full house in the evening. Or a Sunday night party can work if you have prepared all before working at lunch time and have no Qigong class to teach the next morning. Then the occasional “closed” because we are celebrating life never hurt anyone either. The joy at being at the best friends wedding can only be lived now. Recapping the love through photos is not the same unless you can tell the stories too.
So you have to prepare. You need to speak up. You need to be flexible when preparing a day in which you play number one. And you better know what the heck it is you want to do as well otherwise twenty-four hours flies by like the wind and you are already opening the door to Wednesday.
I love getting up early so as to watch the sunrise. Throwing open the windows and breathing deeply the air into my lungs knowing I have another day to live. I love having a double, strong black coffee and check in on my social media. Cuddling with Poks. Pondering on our trail run route. I love breakfasting with my Darls and checking in on what he has planned today and then I can begin placing into my day little things of pleasure. One of them is cooking something scrumptious for lunch. Soul food begins by planning the dish in my minds eye and then knowing I will have time to immerse myself in every moment in which I cook up a storm. Often my family are not so thrilled at what I choose but then there are always alternatives for them in the fridge!
Today it was an Arborio risotto with lashings of Parmesan cheese accompanied by chucks of the pumpkin 'Queensland Blue'; an Australian variety, which has sweet almost treacly roasted flesh. I allowed dribblings of Lemon Infused Virgin Olive Oil to grace the surface and freshly ground pepper gave it the finishing touch. A Red oak leaf lettuce salad with cucumber, button mushrooms and sprouts balanced the meal perfectly. Just over an hour to cook and polished off within fifteen minutes, it almost seemed wastefully careless only the residue of the meal showed, it was enjoyed to the last bite.
Now the day continues with a contentment that holds through till the last rays of sun disappear behind the horizon and I know whatever I do now is just adding angel’s dust to what was a perfect day. Not much was really done. But what was accomplished was with care to detail. That is the other trick to getting a day just for you. Compromise not on quality, just leave out the quantity and bring quite moments of pleasure into your life by being aware. Of your needs; of what gives you satisfaction and learn how to put that into action.
A day off should be like a miniature holiday, in which you take time to re-tank, re-store and re-generate the batteries for the coming other six days of work. Sometimes it can just mean you need to close your study door to get what you want and there is nothing wrong with that either.
Friday, 21 March 2014
We often can be misunderstood or not seen clearly by friends, acquaintances or work colleagues for the simple reason they know only a small part of who we are today. Actually we can add family here too for not all families remain in hocky dory contact with another, as the silver screen would lead us to believe. This can be very “confusing” for perhaps some, if you see or “get in touch” per another means (i.e. email, sms, the occasional Christmas card) only on the oddball occasion. I am most aware of this in my business.
Having been now running our gourmet restaurant for twenty-six completed years this May I am daily confronted with the world surrounding me. That is my partner, children, parents-in-law and my maternal family, who all have been involved in our business over the years; by the guest’s questions towards their wellbeing. Mostly I have to say it is or has been, in my nature to share openly and gladly. I live my life not slotted into segments of tell this only then, share this with only him or be a closed book in this situation. A few examples of what I mean here.
I was in the middle of serving a wedding function when I got the call my grandmother had died. It was the first time I was confronted with a death in my family. I was a wreck. Young, inexperienced at handling such a situation (I was 22 and had been only here in Germany for one year) and not wanting to be part of the moment I was in, I went from the phone call to serving the main meal. Tears running down my face. My husband thinking only of the guest hurried me along to serve. He himself did not know how to deal with this occurrence hence he came over at the time as unsympathetic. The wedding pair touched me deeply for as I placed their plates down before them, they asked what was wrong. I bubbled in English to them what had just happened. They asked that I bring right away champagne and glasses to the table, as we had to celebrate with a toast the life of my grandmother and to her new appending adventure, without us. This reaction and attitude was for me amazing and one I have furthered myself today.
I worked by both pregnancies right up to the last minute in the business and our guests left included in all the little bits and pieces that occurred. Sometimes even feeling the kicking of our children as they watched fascinated as a foot prodded from my stomach in rhythmic thumbs, as I poured the wine. Or knowing I was having pre-labour pains as I practiced deep breathing and smiling through gritted teeth while I served them. I even informed them later on of the need to “take a break now” as someone else needed desperately my breast. When I think back upon then they must have thought I was one of these weird alternative women, raising “the wild one”. I was just sharing my maternal glow of luck!
I began working, using crutches, several days after my knee operation (that is I took orders but carrying was out of the question) and it was clear I found it frustrating. I was not used to being so restricted in my movements. I was rather short tempered with everyone behind the scenes while telling the guest one has to just put your head down and get on with life. Usually you would have several weeks off work by such an operation but as a small business we could not afford to close our doors for more than a week. So it was as always for me, bite the bullet and put your head down to the grid. At times I had some very deep conversations with guests over illnesses and frustrations when the out come is different than expected. Well beyond the normal chit chat batter indeed.
So although my guests have been a part of my life in a certain way they are also unaware of what I actually have to live with day in and out on a very personal basis. This can cause me often-internal conflicts. Just how much does one share when they ask about a certain person who also lives here yet whom dislikes me intensely? Can I remain natural and answer their often very direct questions? Or of a family member who for years was involved in my life but is not any more. When asked how this person is how can I formulate my answer without having to tell of the violation they perpetrated towards me. When my illness causes me extreme pain due to a flair and I have a hard day getting by, can I be the happy smiley person they know and not snap off their heads with frustration at their light hearted meaningless comments because I am distressed?
This is where the Korus in me is awakened. She has an incredible abundance of wisdom that through the above situations and many more has had time to grow, expand and “bare fruit”. I have learnt the hard way to curb temper, anger and hate. They are but the partners of self-destruction and cause pain to cut in where no man can go to heal. Only the hands of angels can seal the wounds.
I have seen that my words can be a paper slicer or a soothing balsam. I can formulate my answers to hold the one I speak of, in a gentle light without tarnishing my integrity to telling the truth of the person’s true nature. Their actions speak beyond my words. I need not become part of their karma.
I am able to live with my aliments and still be a vibrant human being by knowing my limitations and working with my body not against it. That has come slowly but surely with time, patience and practice. It means I have empathy towards others who have perhaps not seen that ”dis-ease” can be an incredible awakening, to knowing how to really live life, not become a prisoner of it.
So when I tell or share a part of my experience it is with the hope it will have a resonance for the person reading or listening and there could be a small connection to helping them in some unknown way.
We are all bound on this journey of life, building with our minds the home we wish to live within, creating our reality. Not always is it understood by all; the way we react or the reasons behind our decisions. Yet I hope that my small steps on the pathway I have been guided to tread upon perhaps will leave a footprint in the soft sand or rocky soil that allows another to see, I did it my way with love at the heart of my sole/soul.
Thursday, 20 March 2014
Just how much social media is good for me and how much sends me into a spin of feeling I have been lead wayward into gaga land (this term comes from my generation meaning where the crazies live and not some musical vocal creation whose songs I love) where there is only a therapeutic solution to escaping?
I started out just over three years ago on Facebook (fb) under the tag “Sexy-thing”, telling about the trials and errors of a woman living caught between feeling frisky and at the same time noticing she was ageing, as her teenage children started to do things which she thought was her way, not an age thing. Sadly no one wants to be termed mutton dressed up as lamb and so I questioned my stand. I knew pencil thin jeans were no longer “my thing” (actually they where only ever my thing in my imagination) but I was now on the other hand ready to expose more than I had as a teenager.
I saw that fb gave me, amongst the circle of my trusted friends, a springboard to feel ok about what I shared; within reason that is. Soon I sadly realized that my middle-aged girlies where stuck in over exaggerating what they thought was chick. It was just ridiculous and at times damn embarrassing. Afternoon delight can be enjoyed at any age but trying to look like your teenage daughter and actually asking who is the younger one, is not funny. It is sad. While my male counterparts were chasing those not in their age bracket, losing hair up top and gumption down below, hence needing those little blue pills to even be able to think about getting delight on the side, let alone in the afternoon which is honestly even sadder still.
This got me to thinking what is it that I wanted to share and why, on my social media sites. I am not a show and tell lass, in the sense of my hubby, my house, my job and my wallet. I would rather let you in on the fact, I felt gratitude when being part of a coming out of a young man whom chose our restaurant to express his love to his parents but also his life choice. Or humility when a dying person, gathered their family together by us in our restaurant, to say farewell when she could still hug each person personally. Or realizing my terrors of living in a foreign land are universal, when you are thrown in the deep end of a different culture and letting you in on how, I learnt to swim amongst the sharks and kept my limbs.
These are the, as I term them “nitty gritty tit bits” that make up the real human being I am, in the world I see today. Not the bo-toxed, pressed and smoothed out face of a teeny magazine cover girl staring back at me from some billboard, trying to sell me some ridiculously priced uplifting face cream. Nope you have me here as I am - a passionate woman whom has her real hair still even if it is dyed with henna, has love handles but is fit enough to challenge you up any mountain, forgets how to converse in real English because she has been living in a foreign land for too long now, loves singing loud at traffic lights while driving and blowing kisses to those who look on so they smile and blow me kisses back, will hug in my mind any stranger I strike up a conversation with just so I can let them know I love giving love (believe me a “mind hug” is felt because the smile of the person over from you sparkles in their eyes!) and often says the wrong thing at the wrong time and realizes later as she should be sleeping what would have sounded better.
So it is that recently when one girlfriend realized, after over six months that I had been missing on her fb side in commenting on hers; she checked up on me and found out I was absent on my private side including that fact I had "no friends" (can be scary for some who count on an increase not decrease of followers). I had let my friends know I was leaving actively participating, on my private side because I wished for real “communicative interaction” if they cared to contact me. They have my telephone number, skype address or email. I was no longer interested in info on new kitchen cupboards or the latest golf score at their morning mixed couples do. I want to know how you feel about not getting real mail anymore, what you think as your body takes on another shape hanging and sagging in places it never did before or are you frustrated that you would like to change jobs but know your age has now become an issue stopping you. Do you have a desire to work in a mental health institution or would you like to be a clown amongst the children’s cancer ward? What do you still daydream about and can you feel that bubbling rush inside your gut, just when you think on the possibility of you actually doing it? I can. I feel the rush of want, desire, hope or pure joy at the thought of what I have not even explored yet let alone at what I am doing at this moment.
My world has expanded through the technology I can use with fb, twitter, tubmlr and my blogsite. It allows me to take a step towards understanding and appreciating why we as humans are all so different and yet struggle at the same time, for the same basis necessaries. Another person occupying a small space of this planet desires as I, love, safety, health and medical care, education, spiritual and political freedom, adequate resources for providing food and water. Basically the ingredients to being a happy, balanced person.
What does happiness mean to you? My definition of happiness is: “being within the moment I now breathe, consciously embracing the opportunities I am given, to expand upon the person I am today. Aware of all the facets that make me yet acknowledging, when seen from my heart, there can only be love lived when my soul can sing its tune, clear and softly upon the wings of time”.
I can spend some days, more time than intended, on my social sites yet it is more productive than I would have thought. It invigorates my thought process. It makes me aware of a lot of topics I never knew about before. I have taken to formulating more concisely my words into universally understood messages. I have sorted out my real friends, found the ones whom are the diamonds and kept them while I have found a new definition for friend among those who follower my sites.
The social media has given me the chance to have within each and every second, a wonderful day exploring the potential to making happiness a permanent part of my physical structure, so it flows out into my energetic world. Happiness is a state of mind and not a commodity and maybe if I can shake up some cobwebs within the corners of my mind, to realising any need for seeing growth as a measurement of happiness is unnecessary, I can rattle someone else to questioning their values.
Today is the first day of spring as well as the International Day of Happiness. Normally something I would never have shared without the social media with any one other than my Darls or children perhaps. Now I can through electronic vibes give out my thoughts on what creates happiness to flourish within me. I can post, write, reply to comments made by followers or through a photo let those in the world know my small splashes of colour, that I gather during the day, are my happiness bubbles which allow me to gain a perspective of the moment I live within now.
How we see the world is influenced by so many different experiences. Yet no matter what they are it is your choice if you wear a mask to hide behind or take off the one you wore till now and be your natural, beautiful self. With all the kicks and lines that make you so special. Being within your own skin now is more liberating than performing each and every day behind another face. That is why I love being just Korus. Social media here or there you get exactly what I was born to be - me.
Wednesday, 12 March 2014
Sometimes change requires that you also allow acceptance, to be part of the action required to be undertaken. Change is, as we all know, the one thing that is constantly in motion. Time plays no role without her as a partner. Yet when looking at the two together performing and refusing to see their perfect two step of process across the dance floor of life, you put only yourself in the corner for wall flowers.
I am aching inside since days. The ache has gone into my system and has brought up old health issues. They are so related to what I feel mentally that I know myself, as a Reiki Master, what I need to do to release and deeply cleanse. Life is always the teacher for me yet I need as well to sometimes be the headmistress of my own destiny again so that I can embrace the future.
I still have both my parents living. They are over the seas, at home Downunder and since being in Germany I have not physically seen them as much as the adult me would like too. They are separated and are both living in long-term relationships with other partners now. My father visited me once, in the twenty-six years I have been here with his partner while my mother has made several more trips once with my godmother and otherwise three times with her partner. So both are familiar with my “home” and the various pressure points I live with day in and out.
When first coming here I could rarely call home, as one minute telephoning cost then five Deutsch mark per minute so letter writing was the fashion of the day. Only catch was between writing, sending and getting a reply a time span of six weeks had gone by and so perhaps, had the situation I had written about. Now naturally everyone thinks that what with skype, mobile phones and the emailing system instant communication has become commonplace. Not being “in touch” or “out of reach” is not possible yet for many it still is. For me it is a theme by both my parents who are not contactable with all the above methods.
From all my years at boarding school I had a love hate relationship with my mother. She was the leading voice in sending me, as I saw it, away and I hated her for it. Let us say that she had very good reasons, made the absolute correct choice and I have worked through all the baggage I carried around in regards to her “not loving/wanting” me. Our relationship has never been on the level I desired but it is caring and active. She rings each month from a telephone booth. She is what we call a “grey nomad” in Australia - a retired, elderly citizen who lives in a caravan and travels Australia. She has a sickness that will leave her in a wheelchair eventually hence her partner and her made the decision years ago to rent or sell everything and be part of life, as long as she can move. What comes after wards they will deal with when it comes knocking at their door. With a large family on both of their sides, loads of friends and an active curiosity I said; “go for it” when she asked me what I thought. Her profession was bookkeeping so this meant she has a tendency to want all ends to be tied up and clear-cut. Hence her taking a computer course and purchasing a small laptop before hitting the road so that corresponding regularly with email when they hit a “hot spot”, would be an option open to her.
My father is the total opposite. He was by profession a General Hotel Manager for a large chain in New Zealand and Australia. He would go into their hotels that were not running effectively, fire everyone, re-set the buttons so to speak that required adjusting and get the business back on its feet. An active, fix-it manager of people and situations with hands on experience. He is also retired and lives in a retirement village with his partner doing what he adores - gardening. He has the most incredible green finger and is loved by the whole community for how he talks to the lush Queensland vegetation and gets it to go “his way”. He has always been my springboard for the spirituality of my native land, New Zealand. In understanding it, in learning how to control myself and direct my gift. We communicate without words. It drove my mother crazy and she wished dearly she had what we nourished but it was not of this world. Has never been. When she realized that, she then saw that her role towards me, was there for a different purpose. My Dad has a land line and that is it. He is rarely inside the house so it is a matter of luck if I reach him. I saw him in person last, in January 2009.
Last week I could not let go of the feeling I should call. “Hi there. How are you doing?” “Arrh, hello. Armmm ok.” “Have I caught you at a wrong time?” “Who is this? I don’t think …” Suddenly I realized someone was about to put the phone down! “Hey Dad! It’s me” “Korus, Korus is that you? Oh, ok ….” And so the conversation continued in a very stinted fashion. My dad seemed distanced, not fully there, at times confused or worried if he was really talking to me I felt. I was devastated because what I have known is happening, just reared its head and showed me what I am going to have to come to terms with. My Dad did not recognize me on the phone for the first time ever. My Dad has dementia. Just how advanced it is I cannot say for no one really gives me any concrete information. His partner is vague. Our daughter was there last year for several months and could fill me in on a lot.
This week I have been having fall, into my hands, so much information on Alzheimer’s disease and dementia, which has given me a rebalance of sorts. What it cannot give me is the fact I am loosing my mentor. The one person whom pushed me beyond my pain level, told me to get the job done, made me communicate, never said it was time to step away but more important to step up and keep at it till I dropped. He is there strongly in my dreamtime and it will be where I have to go more often, to talk with him but it makes it not one bit easier to know we are both getting old. I am loosing time. I have soon to say physically goodbye to my Dad. I have been told go home now to visit him. Do not wait. I will not be going. There are reasons for this that are important to me and stay only with me.
I had the most amazing three weeks with him in 2009. We sat one day watching the sunset over the ocean and saw it rise again the next day. We talked. We sang. We prayed. We felt our connection to all around us and I received so much information from him; I still am only understanding, how much today. At that time I said goodbye to the first man I gave my heart to and I was given the means to meet him on another plane. Only now it is time for me to use it and it hurts. I am devastated. I have to place into action acceptance of this fact. I thought I have learnt how to do this 1000 times over. Through my sicknesses, the undermining terror I have been subjected to from certain persons and a near death experience. Oh how much more is involved in taking on the fact we are only here for a short time span. We are to use the time wisely for when it is time to leave maybe it is only in spirit and the body will follow at a much later date.
Waste not what you are given, in regretting it not really being part of your life now. Accept we all age. Time makes this change a definite part of the equation of life. It will just be at different stages for each person. For some it will come earlier than for others. Find your way to communicate your love even when the band wave might be different than the ones you usually use. Do it while you can. Not when you have to. Then acceptance can be guided by your loving heart energy.
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