when I go for a run

It takes a lifetime for some to realise why they were here. For others they are never given the chance, to ponder on the reason for the universe existence and their role in the play, as life is given only shortly to them, then brutally taken away.

Perhaps one person sits alone in a field, seeing the half moon fading away into the morning sky and knows they are good enough as they are now. For we all stand at different stages of consciousness; each being within this space, open to what we are ready to hear, see, understand and undertake.

When you see blue, I see depth of longing, tears of relief and an expanse of being nourished within the sky. When you see clouds I see a means of allowing my body to rest upon soft, comforting clouds that have the potential to raise me up, over what is below to gain a better perspective of where to go. When you see trees in sun and shade I see the nourishment of Mother Nature giving shelter and stability to where I choose to tread. Allowing me take a check on the density of life's questions and possibilities; to see all is an equation that can have various potentials to reach a completed end.

You see a capture of nature.

I see a glimpse of my now.

Your Koruswhispers

then I begin to write

Why do we love and how do we even choose whom to love? What do we have a burning passion for in our hearts and how do we hold true to this desire, without causing havoc to our own universe and that of others? So many questions thoughts and feelings spinning around in my head after watching but one movie.

As I reflected on my way home over the movie of “YSL” which I had just seen, I was inspired by the patterns flashing by outside by window, on a lonely country side street. What is it like to be captured within a definition of a mind that is both brilliant and tormented? A soul laced with a creative, expressive and passionate heart, driven to explore but at whose cost? Do we as humans all actually have the ability to love one, adore another and desire to be nurtured by another? Is there even a possibility to be creative without it seeming out of the norm? What is talent without a sense of madness? For doesn't the world take on our reality, from the thoughts we project into words and place these then into action?

The seventies pushed us to question so many views, values and angles, which we had not contemplated before. This movie, as you see inspired my mind into action. That is what all art forms should do ~~~ then they, be it a film, an artwork or a book, has achieved its purpose. It ignites a flame within us, which burns a deep desire to investigate further. To finding the answers to these questions, is then our work.

We all have our own space on the grid of life. Each person has within his or her area a ladder. It is your individual choice whether you climb, swing or sit upon the railings. Or even discover other options which are open to you even if maybe they are being a little out of the norm. Such as joining forces with one another to build a platform, creating a new structure upon which to work. 

That is the creative aspect of the game and no one holds you to using your ladder in the same manner as they do. It is all up to your own inner drive for developing the “self” in “you” - yourself, whether you even stay with the ladder. Maybe you would rather just jump into the grid and see what then happens? If madness drives you to breaking it down and building a fire with the splinters, to dance around it naked; so be it. You will just need to find out then, how you’re going to continue along your pathway with another means of help, for your ladder has now become flame and ash.

Not all ladders are made the same. Perhaps yours can transform and change. Think on the childhood game “snakes and ladders”. You often went three times up and twice down within the shortest span of time and felt a sense of frustration at want seemed your stagnated progress. Then just around the corner, a doubles was rolled, and you suddenly overtook all and sundry, to be once again be “on top of the ladder/world”. Sometimes the unexpected, could be a stroke of luck. Be open to all moments of tension, disruption or unbalance as a means to get back on track or perhaps make a new pathway.

Let not any situation in your life keep you bound to the same routine. Question, query and evaluate your life choices and directions. It is remember, your life! You can love whom or when you want really. The boundaries now days are unlimited to all even if the choice can be restricted by your own set of rules; you place upon yourself (from your upbringing, religion, political or social institutions to which you belong) to the game played; as long as you respect yourself and others. You can climb, stagnate or swing on your life’s rope like Tarzan over the trees in paradise; you will not be the only one who profits from your direction. You will inspire others to break out and try something new to.

Awareness is a quality you have within you that requires your gentle nourishing, so it can flourish; enriching your life now. Only first it has to be ignited and that is what art does in all its various forms. Sometimes we then realize through a creative venture how often we dreamed over future events and wistfully looked back on the past, to have in the present moment missed the point of being here now. That is the gift of another’s creativity to you - it connects us slowly but surely to all coming together in this illusion we call life and opening to the unlimited possibilities that are out there when we stop being bound by the material world and its two dimensional view.

I cry while watching a melancholy movie, laugh when I read a humorous book and moan with passion when I hear a love longing song. Then I begin to write.

Your Koruswhispers

reflection on differing pathways

Often a moment is all I need

Yet that is forgotten in someone else's own time lapse

Closed off to the world

Dwelling in their own heart of "things"

They see only what they need, want, require, desire

Often a moment is all I need

How often should it be said

Closed off to the world they are

Living their pathway

Not seeing anything else instead

To butter the bread

Often a moment is all I need

I have said it is why I go out

Then I have the quite I crave

To go to a space of emotion

Which dwells within my heart

For I do not live by my head

Often a moment is all I need

To know it will never be any different

I am the one who has to go

For the core of the rose can only be seen

When it has space to open and just be!

How often do we get pushed beyond what we can take?

Yet still make the mistake of

not taking another way,

until it comes to late to call it a day

because we are just to old to begin again

with something new

A moment is all it needs for you to say

you are not going to say

any more that often a moment is all you need

rather call it a day and leave

Your Koruswhispers

Acceptance

A fable: 

"What is the reason we have things the way they are now when perhaps giving up the past and taking on the unknown could bring us so much more."

Our villages May pole tree looks sick. Highlighted against a backdrop of continuous cloud and drizzle, it seems to me as if it is just holding on by its dull needles. Some bows have been tied to its branches but it is not helping to pickup the mood.

I listened while standing underneath it to a strange type of whimpering. A creak without it coming from a door hinge. A sorrowful sigh, of collapsing wood splinters. It was our villages May pole tree speaking to me! He was saying how he hated to be up so high viewing all the commotion down below. Fighting children, angry farmers, short-tempered neighbours, arguing couples, time squeezed commuters and all the other folk in between. The miserable spring spree of rain and cold was dampening more than his branches, and he felt drained, tied and so sad. When would some colour return to this small village and help everyone look up instead of down on their shoes, cursing all and sundry? He signed up for this job cause he was told it was a celebration of life. Now he wanted no part of what he saw, cause that was honestly not worth living for. I was not the only one listening to his said woes; a tiny sparrow had nestled down upon one of his branches, and wanted to share with him something uplifting.

The little sparrow whispered; “I knew you before they placed you here, May pole tree. Your previous spot was actually not much different to now, as you stood just as high and alone. Yet I think I know what the dilemma is, for you right now. Maybe I can help you re-focus and get back down to earth, living once again in your full glory, and not soaking up the negativity from around you but balancing your inner core, your true self, even if but for a moment. Just for today. You are going to give yourself something, no one else can give you - your full attention!”

“You dear May pole tree have lost your connection to something very important for your stability of mind and strength of character. You have become mixed up in the maze of everyone else’s woes and worries. You have thought with a few bows and being raised up high you suddenly would be seen, admired and amount to something amongst this human crowd.

You have allowed you’re past sense of belonging, amongst the woods with the other trees, your web of normality and familiarity with them, to be the impulse for your new situation. It doesn’t work like that. You needed to have been open to perhaps seeing that your connection to mother nature herself was enough. No more was to be expected, except the fact you symbolized life, new growth and hope; by showing from where you sprang and to where you were going; to the heavens above.

Your purpose was just to remind the humans of their connection to Mother Earth and how they should respect and care for her. No more, no less. You have been part of the web of life for but a fleeting moment, with the simple message to give: be aware of your stand here, live within this moment and know all is as it should be.”

The little sparrow continued whispering, to his ragged May pole tree, who was listening intently. "Lets take on something unknown for you little tree. You could be a radish if you wish. Crisp, red skinned and white inside. Though just longing for change wont help. You need to take that desire and put it into action; peel away that what not is needed. Take on another form or view, and perhaps you can then become something new - a radish mushroom yet inside you are still a radish."

I stood still looking up wondering just where he was leading with this. Who ever heard of such a transition? Could it even be brought about?

I heard what he said. It was just so simple and it fitted in with the whole situation so well. He stated he flew with an eagle’s heart above the treetops amongst the winds and stormy skies. He looked with the eyes of a hawk at the turbulence below seeing all in minute detail. Yet only because he was a small, lightweight sparrow could he settle down upon the May pole trees branches not hurting or burdening him whatsoever. He understood he was a sparrow. It held its reasons and had its purpose to be just so. The past experiences and his previous illusions, gave him the strength to let go of wanting to know what the future held. He accepted himself as he was. Knowing he had taken this road. It had always been his choice. It always will. How the May pole tree was in its core was what counted. How he used that, to keep on sturdy ground was important. Not joining in another's theatrical performance or moody song, while trying to be him self, was the key.

Acceptance. Knowing you choose all experiences without labelling them. Seeing yourself as fitting into your skin with ease, that is the simple action to bringing you so much more, to this very moment you are now living within. Being you. No matter what others say, no matter which way the wind blows. Accept the fact you choose everything you have ever done or will, just as you do this very moment. You are the master of your destiny. Own up to it and shine in your own form. Be you!"

Your Koruswhispers

What is twenty-six years in a lifetime anyway?

When you turn your inner view back to a date of importance in your life, what are the ruminants, which are left? Perhaps images of lost dreams, thoughts of people who no longer live, reminders of repression or are they of accomplishments, shared passions and the acknowledgment of completed desires in the form of a solid business venture?

Each person takes a toll of their lives pathway at various times within life’s process and it can be for a variety of reasons. Perhaps an illness forces you to take stock take or a separation confronts you with questioning your own merit. It could be a rather simplified reason that is not to be put in the “drastic” list at all. More just a fact a family has been raised, a business established, various achievements undertaken and conquered yet YOU could still feel there is a piece of your life’s puzzle which is missing.

It is not necessarily the corner piece or part of the outer framework but without it, the picture created, of which you are, is still unclear. I ask myself could this be in relation to me; as in part of the complicated equation I live within that is applicable today? For today on the 6th of May 2014 I have completed with my husband a full twenty-six years of running together our business.  A small gourmet restaurant; lying on literally the end of the world; set apart from city and public transport, you require your own means to get to us.

Our joint dream required at the time, on my part, a lot of sacrifice. I was a twenty-one year old who really was blinded by love that I feel now, came from previous lives of passion with the same soul. Otherwise the grounding for holding through the turbulent, surrounding living conditions to giving our business legs would not have come about. My preparation for this at the time what seemed an adventure, was a hard upbringing; separated from my family under the disciplined care of the so devote, Anglican spinster nuns. A period alone that holds a thousand tales of suspense and intrigue and could fill “chapters”!

So it is today that I reflect back upon a time span in which my mother and father never experienced in their married, joint working life. Twenty and six completed years of working together, as chef and waitress, husband and wife.

How long have you been working in your job? Today from my stand I clock up an incredible amount of years together with my Darls in the same job, same business and same place. Somehow I find that a little bit unreal when I think I have been doing the same thing, day in and day out, for just over a quarter of a century, raising two children and supporting ourselves from our small business. There are times I go crazy with the routine or physically demanding work, then I have a customer whom really shows me how my efforts make their day. Suddenly I find that all the hand slog suddenly wasn't so bad after all. Someone out there doesn’t just see me as a servant but acknowledges I have a role in making their moment by us special, memorable and worthwhile.

Would I have liked to have done something different? Yes but I can only say that after such incredible experiences lived.

Yet at the time I thought this job was worth the upheaval it involved and my dream of writing for a magazine or newspaper would be able to just establish itself somewhere else along the way. What a strange thought that was to have when I actually moved to a country that did not even speak my mother tongue and of which I had no inkling of the language either. I seemed to think then that language would not be a barrier. Youth has its illusions and thank god it does, for otherwise I do not think we would be so brave as to step into the lions den, believing we will not be eaten.

I am now trying to find within me, the courage to write about my experiences of living and surviving the transition of moving to a foreign land, opening a restaurant, participating in life with all its trails and tribulations and still coming out feeling as if your glass is half full with bubbles.

I am "waddling" a little at the moment like a child learning its legs can hold it up. In undertaking this reflection and back tracking, I have brought up some old baggage that is draining to have to open again. I am reflective. I am questioning and querying again my stand in life. Wondering if this is it? Have I done already what I should have but not what I longed for and is it to late for my writing? I have so many words living in me. They explode in my sleep, when I babble to our guests and as mixed thoughts screaming to get out when I met up with friends. Can I find that blind enthusiasm of my youth and place it into bringing about my hearts desire - to write and inspire others to live life with gusto, no matter what the cards are you are given. I have not had such an inner back and forth, by nothing else I have undertaken. From the business to my teachers certificate in Qigong Yangsheng and all that fell in-between, I knew where I was going and how. Now I am not sure of the route.

I believe this is a birthing of my reason for having been born and it is much more intensive than I ever thought possible. I struggle to not let another person destroy it. Or it let my inner doubting Thomas get the better of me. Only the future knows the answer but right now I am giving it a bloody good go. So join me on my journey and watch out for updates on how I am going whenever you read a headline "Korus learns to fly with trainer wings!"

Your Koruswhispers