Saturday, 18 July 2015

Walk with me as I whisper

We often think everything just continues as it is now until we drop dead. Is that healthy? Is that the norm? Should we even expect more? If you answer to these three questions twice “no” and once “yes” then you are on the right track, for we are beings of incredible potential and often we get too caught up in the daily routine of living that we forget our own worth and value.

I am stepping along my own pathway in my life at present, perhaps in a different manner than you are used to but it is mine and I take you along with me if you care to read, to learn, discover and question with me. Should I even begin to worry about trying to consolidate my words when I write to suit your demur? Absolutely not, for I have my own tale to tell and within its folds perhaps lies a thread that could help you weave an even more colorful tapestry for you in your own life story. 

I have to date basically linked my Instagram and my Facebook side together and perhaps at times given you a deeper look into my thoughts here on my blog. Maybe you have a desire to know a smidgen more. Or perhaps you would like a deeper answer or explanation to what I express and reveal here. Then ask me please and I will answer you with the deepest respect towards your life situation.

Or just come along for the whispered experience of what I find is hidden in the daily moments of my life and maybe you’ll discover perhaps a notch in which you can rest for a moment, take solace or gain inspiration to pave your own way to your individual expansion.

Start today exploring my whispers for yourself and then tell others to come along for the journey as well, on Korus whispers site.

In deepest gratitude,
your Korus

Friday, 3 July 2015

Discover me

The core of my being 
is hidden from every soul 

here on earth, 

for the one whom knew it

has long gone.

I am still in the phase
of waiting to fully bloom
and no one cares
if it happens or not.

I exist.
I breath.
I am the essence of undiscovered desire
within a soft capsule of velvety fabric
that needs to be only exposed yet there is not
a single hand which wants
to touch me in the manner of

Or is this only the illusion of
a moment without

Am I not thinking anymore clearly because
I have lost myself the desire to live
delving into my centre?

I will not wait for you or those whom could see
to open up my potential to bloom
For that is losing out on the chance
to simple live -
be here -
and be.

Your Korus

Embrace your now

Oh life is so precious,
let it not go to waste.
If someone tells you
 to take out the negatives,
stripe yourself
of what is not needed,
reflect perhaps on the why
but forgot not,
 who you are
in the process too.

It could be for the simple reason
they have learnt to realize
it requires not a lot
to notice what value is.
Did it come through the realization
that time has its own master ticking away?
Did it evolve through circumstances of chance?
 Does it even matter
If only you need to embrace your now!

I too could state that I am not here to be pleasant, kind or caring YET I wish to be and that is the bottom line. I have reached a moment in life when I want to give back to you. It means I might rattle your feathers. Come across as a bulldozer in a field that has been left untended for a very long time but I see the potential of what could flourish here. I see your slumbering talents and wish only to further them.

I myself have given, given and given in life. I have often found it hard to accept any help from the outside, for I was drilled to believe at Saint Margaret’s that a helping hand only grabs and torments. There was no caring caress behind the open palm.  There was only punishment and pain. The scares are deep but they are not the base upon which I wish to build my reality now.

I have undertaken in the middle of this year to start out on a new journey. It is my choice.  I have stepped away from what has been my work and life for the past twenty-eight years and given it with a full and grateful heart to our daughter to further as she sees fit. I can be called upon to help or support her yet not run the business. It was born and grew up under the tender loving care of my husband and myself. It was a fantastic, trying and heart wrenching time. My father-in-law never accepted the equal standing I had with my husband in our business and made his view clear, so often trying to break me. Making my life hard as hell. My husband’s love helped me cope with this pressure and our children had the care of a loving mother-on-law to keep them away, in some part, from what I termed the “devil wears a white beard.” Then came a time when I physically became very ill. I looked deeply into what I was swallowing and bearing for the sake of existing. It was this moment in that I realized I had a chance. I could view this soul with all his issues, standing over from me as a tormentor or as a possibility. Being physically and mentally damaged is almost part and parcel of so many of our lives. We have all such stories to recite if one wishes too, some more horrific than others. Would it help you to know the intimate details?

I believe not, for then you would focus on what I endured, and miss the fact I saw in the moment the value of what life is. I have a partner who sees me as an individual, walking her pathway and honouring this fact. I have two marvellous kids who have such individual ways of seeing the world and make me proud they choose me to birth their uniqueness.  I have a kaleidoscope of friends that colour my world in a vibrancy I wrap around me with a passion, for it is intoxicating. Do you follow what I am getting at here? Does your blood pulse as well at the incredible rhythms offered to us by our existence that at times you feel you could burst? Do we not learn and grow from such situations? Can I not exercise flexibility and look at the criticism given as a chance to take on a new direction and expand beyond my own limited boundaries? You never are alone; it is only your view of a situation that makes you believe so, if you want to see it that way.

It is ok in a new situation to wonder if your world is upside down.  If the stability that has become stale is to be shaken and stirred, allowing you to move forward it also shows you thank god are not yet dead! Otherwise you could not appreciate that life is so precious. So full of passion, colour, vibrations, light, love, pain, tears, loose ends and solutions altogether as one.

It is this bag of mixed marbles that I take out each day to play with, on the ground upon which I walk and watch fascinated as they roll me towards an exploration of deeper levels of who I am and how I am bound to you, even though we have no clue, of one another. It confirms it is good to be alive, reminding you to embrace your now.

Your Koruswhispers

Monday, 8 June 2015

40´s are actually the 20´s

It is said the new 40´s are our 20´s. They are bold, clear cut and sized perfectly to fit the voluminous dimensions of acceptance of ones true form. Who said this? Why Korus of course! For if I waited for the media to bring me up to date in what is accepted or given with a wave of grace, I could be waiting till the moon turns purple!

This is now a turbulent time of anticipation, hope, wonder and immense joy at the possibilities open for me. I am about to step out into unknown landscape and it is exhilarating.

In September 2014 I ventured out to the land of human torture and condemnation, communism and tradition, alchemy and qigong. It was a study trip that I had desired since becoming a teacher of an old, more than 2000-year tradition, which normally was only given to the male members of the Kings family, in an unspoken contract it would provide eternal life and now, I a wee Kiwi, with mixed New Zealand, Scottish and Aussie blood lines, had the chance to place my foot steps into the space of wiser souls from the east. I always said when I was fifty that was what I would do – go after my previous life pathways I had once walked down, so as to bring my karma into the Aquarius age and take on any old rubbish not yet dealt with. Funny, how it began to take shape in my 49th year instead.

I am a believer. The Universal force which created us goes beyond for me the small religious forms we humans need to preach, to help us contain our primitive urges.  It is for me more a loving presence in a form we have yet to embrace, experience and visualize. A pure essence not yet known to us, and when we do learn its depth, then we can become a unified unit under the banner of humanity, living together towards truly creating a paradise here on earth. It will go far beyond our present small-minded colloquiums of naming this being/presence. It is this knowledge, which gives me a steadfast foundation now.

I am an active participant in life. I am not a feminist in the sense I place myself above the male counter part, for I need their strengths to bring out the best side of my feminine traits. I adore my Darls who has been walking along my pathway with me since 1984. He has highlighted my moments of joy with gold dust and soothed those deep cracks of pain, which have carved their markings upon my bone with a tormenting agony almost beyond bearing. He is my counter poll to my going wild and still being the impulse to make me step off the edge, for he loves me without judgement or conditions. He is part of the reason I choose to embrace the feminine energy this time around and nurture through continuous birthing pains.

I am a girl whose glass is half full type. I see the silver lining upon the storm clouds for I fly with the thunder gods. I believe even if humans give me shit, I can make it come up smelling like roses, for I control the way I decide to breathe in the moment. I am the one who gives you the willies for I wear no knickers under my running shorts and still not getting a heat rash when the going gets tuff. I decided to take the pathway of the free spirited korus from birth on, as I choose to step into this life as the child conceived out of wedlock. It has been damn hard. It has been at times almost back braking but that is only because I was privileged enough to be born into a society where I could speak my mind, write my thoughts and tell you how I view it (the whole bag of worms!). If this weren’t the case I would have been already burned at the stake, stoned, tortured, sold off, raped, bashed and abused beyond recognition.

What drives me and why I asked myself as the Birth day of my 49th year clocked over? I was prepared to look into a bucket full of things (before one kicks the fifties can!) to decide and decipher where the golden rule for living a full life lay.

I have been whispering to you for a while now and wondering what is heard. Who listens, reads or even bothers to “check in” to my reflections? Does it even matter! I mean this in the sense of the over indulgence “selfies” but in the written manner. Selfies in all their forms within media, is causing me to develop a dislike of human faces (and often social sites). I want to see a natural pose that shows a real version of a story.

Selfies are the masturbation of the social media generation and they are causing a newly discoverd vernal disease, which is expanding into an epidemic.

I want home-based truth. I want your raw edge to experiencing life. I need to see, hear, feel and live you are on the same level as me – searching for the answers I struggle with each and every moment. Being alive – living here and now. I do not want to know about your fake tits, expanding muscle bulk or multiple orgasms due to a wonder pill.

I need to hear your struggling with being a parent. Sharing your life experiences with your child and being told off for by them for not being honest or giving enough when you have tried to show them responsibility or awareness in this cut throat financial society.

I desire to know I am not the only one who has standards, which are service based on koru´s three “a´s” - acknowledgement, acceptance and appreciation, when dealing with strangers and their differing cultural demands. I am here to hear you. I see what you mean. Yet I will not treat you in a manner I would not treat myself. I greet the godly light within you and honour that essence and await no less.

So this “self ramble” has been to try to let you know I might be changing my line of story telling a smidgen. For I myself after twenty-eight years am about to venture out in the work force alone. I am keeping my bed partner of the last thirty (he is comfy and sexy in one) just I wont be earning the pennies with him by my side. It is a mutual choose and so bloody exciting. For can I, in this age in which society sees you as being “over”, take on a full handed new experience as a single handed wo-man?

You bet your last dollar I can! I have the patience, tolerance and compassion needed to make a business thrive. From this expertise, another enterprise is about to profit from and it thrills me to think I can be an example to my children, woman friends or spontaneous contacts as well.

So Korus is maybe finally coming of age at 49. She is stepping forwards, into a future that is exhilarating. She is becoming an adult and taking on responsibility! She is opening up to being pre- sent and it is a gift worth unwrapping.

Your Koruswhispers

Saturday, 9 May 2015

A letter to my Mum

Have I ever told you Mum that I now understand? The why and how, decisions where made or routes taken and travel plans changed. That I see the outline behind the story and appreciate today the way it unfolded. We end our conversations now on the phone with “I love you” and that has become the norm but it is not without substance anymore, as I see the woman whom took on a role she had perhaps no idea just how much it would entail.

You bore the decision to have me Mum even though your time for youthful play was still in full bloom. My decision to make an appearance into this world had not been the plan you had devised for yourself. I picked you. You did not want me. I did not make the waiting time easier either, as I tested your resilience, robbing you of your healthy stand as I took all I could. And as I began my entrance into this world I ripped almost the last strength of life from your body, for days at a time and still you gave me all the hope you could, by giving me my life.

You gave me so often the willies while I was growing up Mum. Telling me how to dress, what to say and giving me instructions on which manner I should react to this and that. Often I bite back at you with an acidity-laced tongue that coated the atmosphere with words, which could never be taken back. They burned a hole in our relationship. Hurting deep to the bone. Yet still you loved me even when mine tipped. You never gave up on me, though I turned my back to you.

You longed Mum for a deeper relationship when I was a young adult. I felt no connection any more to the person who was on another plane than me. We had drifted so far apart, due to my growing up in a home away from you. Neither understood the other. I had no clue which area to place you in my life, for you had lived on the fringes of it only. Being there always while I looked the other way. You pulled on my sympathies with your aliments and cries. I had to give up my life as a young adult, to nurse you. I was annoyed by the demands. The responsibilities it brought. Felt myself being expected to give what I had never felt given – sympathy. I became your carer and you pushed me by giving me more than I wanted to take on. A thanks was never heard. I felt used yet was this any different to my choosing how to get into this world?

You had no life with your grandchildren as they grew up in a foreign land. Just the occasional photo came in the post reminding you there would be no visits or cuddles for a granny left out in the cold. No young life in the house. No plans for the weekend involving a soccer match or swimming heat. Your words on celebration cards to them, had no face behind the words, no persona. I tried to make them understand you cared about their lives but they had a grandmother here who gave them instant time and love Mum, against the phantom thought of another’s, whom they could not feel. You must have been deeply hurt yet you never showed your grief or pain. You sent in misplaced gifts your spirit too two souls you longed to see. We all felt let down – each unable to see the others stand or appreciate what we had. Yet you gave as best you could, never stopping to keep in contact.

I had such issues with you, which made me almost insane, as I searched for the reasons and tried in vain to get away from the pattern laid out there. Break what felt at times were old worn out iron chains of restrictions and complaints. So I went to the place no one feels much like stepping into, the fundament of our makeup, the egoistic stand of our framework, the “I” and took apart our relationship to understand what it all meant. For me now as a mother I wanted the total opposite of all I had been given. Dissolve the schema or traits of the forefathers so as to give my children an unburdened ground on which to tread. A chance for something new to grow. What I did shook unconsciously a lot of souls and it was hard going and for me soul searching. It was a very needed deep healing, on levels unseen, which I had the back bone to do even if it would cost me a part of my health and a family relationship or two.

Though you never knew how I worked holistically with “us”, it chanced so much. I saw and understood about your pain while growing up. The life steps you took. The reasons behind your way of handling situations became apparent to me and I could accept you. You gave me early on what I would need to survive in the life I have taken on. You made me independent and very strong. How blessed I am to have had and still have such a mothers love. Unconditionally given. Never weaning. It might be different than I had desired yet it was suited perfectly to me, even if this has taken me a while to see.

So Mum thank you for being you, with all those twists and edges too. For never giving up on me. Having such stead fast belief that I could always look after myself hence giving me the freedom to create and go beyond where you went. Enabling my children, your grandchildren to reach levels neither of us could have dreamt. You are accepted for who you are. You are understood. I appreciate your decisions and respect what you did.

I look at my aging hands and I see yours.  I hear my words and your voice is there. I move along my pathway and I feel your footsteps just behind me. Your presence is in my pores. You are part of me. It has always been so and how glad I am today it is this way. For you are dearly loved by me. And I am so deeply grateful to call you my Mum. I love you Mum.

Your Koruswhispers

Monday, 20 April 2015

Open your arms

Yesterday I lost a friend without warning. I had not seen her for a while. She was a person whom, twenty-seven years ago, helped me adjust to the situation of living in a foreign land without a stitch of knowing the language or cultural heritage. The age of my mother, her advice was caring and practical. Her tips to contact with my English roots here (through expat organizations or the Anglican church) kept me over the years sane. When she came with her family to eat by us, or her youngest son jobbed in the summer in our restaurant, our paths crossed always with a warm hug and loads of catching up. Over the last years I would see her at my gym in the morning aerobic class full of an energy and vitality honestly I believe only a Kiwi (New Zealander) can have. An optimism that continuously bubbled up over the surface, seeping out to bring warmth to whom ever was in its vicinity. I always felt she stood fully in life with her feet on the ground, moving in a dance all of her own and you were drawn in to wanting to move with her.

My friend just died instantly while out walking. We are all in shock; each has differing reasons why. Some are self-based, as in wishing we had talked once more or taken up the invitation to “drop around for a cup of tea”.  Others cannot believe how honestly “out of the blue” you can go when your time is up. Mine were instantly mingled with a gratitude she did not suffer or have a drawn out illness. It would not have suited her style. Then I, like now as I write, could only see her smile as she caught my eye across a room and like a magnate, I was pulled towards her to have a hug. I have spent yesterday and today thinking over various situations when we have seen one another, including as her son brought his family by last year from New Zealand to visit us, and I always come back to the one thing that made her for me special – she lived life with her arms open. Open to helping you. Open to gathering the flowers of life and breathe in deeply their fragrance. Open to hold you in comfort. Open to hold up what needed to be held until it could stand on its own. Open to being loved.

Last night my best friend was by me to visit and have what I call a good old chinwag! Lots of talk about ourselves in relationship to our desires, needs and worries. Sharing our feelings and asking for support from one another, to then be able to gain an understanding upon how we are seeing a certain situation. Knowing someone is there to protect your back and give you the ok so you can keep moving forwards. I sat with her with such a love in my heart for this woman who has been part of my life now for twenty-six years. Sharing in all the twists and turns I have experienced. Keeping her arms open for me to be comforted, share a supportive hug or be embraced with joy at what I have just lived.

Our friends and friendships have differing roles in our lives. Some are here for a short time to help us through an event or bring us towards gaining another view on a situation at hand. Then they leave.  Some remain steadfast and solid but only are in the background of our daily living, due to separation through the boundaries of different countries. Yet when we reconnect it is as if nothing has separated the bond between us. Some are short and sweet then crumble leaving us with a mess to contemplate over. Some friends are more termed acquaintances as they depth to which we invest our personal self remains based only on a business or cordial term. Each has its own schema and scheme in the plan of things. Each has its purpose and part in our dance of life even if at times we do not realize it.

Then there is also the lending of a friendship to a stranger in the form of support, (i.e. business, teaching, caring) which at the time perhaps you do not even realise how important it was. If you are lucky enough the universe will give you the chance to see this at a later date. I was blessed on Saturday morning by such a moment and in reflection I realize it was also the time in which my friend died. Reaching out to take some cheddar cheese off the supermarket shelf, a woman stepped in front of me and smiled. I looked towards her and felt as if I could know her. She smiled even larger and I remembered three years ago teaching her privately Qigong Yangsheng for several weeks. She had put on weight, grown her hair and looked so much softer in her face; it could almost have been a different person. She had come to me to learn how to gain a sturdy foothold on her pathway, which had been ripped up and torn apart, leaving her worn down from struggling over all the obstacles that were in her way.

When you teach someone there is a strong relationship that develops, which has the bond of a friendship. It is intensified when it is on a one to one basis and especially if the material being taught works on a mind, body and soul level. You are entrusted with a person’s inner world and asked if you can show them a tool to regain a balance, a direction or sense of purpose. In this lady’s situation it was a reason to keep going. We exchanged greetings and then she blurted out how she thinks often on how without having had my help, she would have gone into a dark place under the earth that threatened to cover her at the time and stopped breathing. I was her life jacket at the time she was drowning. She continued to tell me why and how a postcard of some snowbells with a poem I wrote about letting new growth come up with a lightness from the frozen winter ground, still is attached to her bathroom mirror. I was at this point suddenly very teary. I myself needed so very much this morning to hear some loving strokes of appreciation and here I was being dosed in it.

I asked if I could embrace her to share my thanks and wrapt her up in a warm hug of shared love for what we had each given the other. I opened my arms to accepting thanks. I opened my arms for another’s gratitude. I opened my arms for moments shared and appreciated. I opened my arms to love in all its forms.

In all times in life we have the choice when it goes on saying hello or goodbye; receiving or giving to keep our arms crossed; keeping everything out and bitterness held within. Crossing your arms over yourself keeps the boundaries ridged and nothing can get in. Or we can move through the rhythms of life with opening your arms at any time, which allows you to be ready to accept all the “flowers” you can hold. To get to experience the depth of the greatest attribute we humans can live, give and use – love.

Open your arms to yourself. Open your arms to friendship and sharing in all its forms. Open your arms to life.

Your Koruswhispers

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

baby steps

Life is a continuous cycle of movement. A coming and going. Birth, death, re-birth in all forms of nature. Whether we see the process as positive or unpredictable is not the underlying pulse. Rather momentum is achieved if we allow ourselves to partake in the rhythms it offers us. To explore what perhaps we could have overlooked before if we had not been able to release ourselves into life’s flow.

I feel my mind being awakened, my pulse increases, my body feels invigorated and my view clears to see the small things along my path when I go along with life's cycles. Knowing I may get lost but I will never get stuck, is uplifting for I trust in everything unfolding at the right time and place for the space I am within. This pattern that evolves, as I awaken to my potential and the possibilities I have in my daily structure of living is not without hitches, blockages or barriers. Only racing along a single route is not necessarily enlightening.

We have all experienced a detour of our intended destination. Often we feel as if we are top of our life’s tasks, situations and events when something stumbles onto our way and we are bluffed. It is a bit as if you have packed your suitcase with the essentials - fresh underwear, a change of clothes for warm and chilly weather, sturdy shoes, sun cream, hat, glasses and maybe an outfit to wear for a dressier occasion. Then when you are on your way to the station, you find out you have missed the connecting train to get to the airport. While waiting for a new train to arrive, you read on your mobile the news a hurricane has hit the small island you where going to visit and no flights are flying there any more. So you had a plan. Then an unanticipated mishap stopped you and upon wanting to redirect, you view the real reason behind the delay. You have been spared a greater personal disaster. If only we could remember this when our life is for a split second derailed and we are blown off course by an unseen event, piece of news or personal experience.

There is so often a reason for one happening that is unseen until we have accepted its now there allowing the other purpose to then be revealed. At times it is perhaps a hard pill to swallow but fighting a situation takes more destructive energy into your body than clearing space for understanding what this could mean for you directly.  Once you have acknowledged taking action from this standpoint, you can use baby steps to then begin a personal healing or recreating your new stand from the ashes of the old.

“Baby steps” is my term for revaluation and location of where you are going with a tentative awareness. Finding out what the new way you should be walking is requires taking, baby steps. Slowly placing your self into the situation and feeling how it looks. Noticing how you view it. If you are open to seeing it as productive or have you ridge set ideas of how you’re to deal with it. Baby steps require that you trust you have the strength within, which now is being tested. Trust your intuition. Trust the process, life is offering you. Baby steps are a reminder the situation your experiencing might be frightening, unknown and have no clear outcome defined but you are making a start to finding out how to deal with it. Baby steps also shows you are trusting there is another presence that will catch you if you fall, if you bend at the weight or collapse from the pain. Your adult self will react if it sees you becoming off balance by "testing the waters" yet it too knows the innocence of a child can be the growth of a consciously aware adult.

I have experienced many situations and times when baby steps have been required and often I have gone forward refusing to use them. Instead I have demanded I wanted to continue to run or leap or dance. The results where not often pleasant to view or experience upon my own person. I think one of the hardest tests of how to place my baby steps has definitely been in my health situation(s). Sadly not an unknown story either for so many in what I am about to write. I spent so many years being pushed from one area to another in the medical world, one antibiotic or medical treatment, which when it did not bring the textbook results, was seen as my having not followed the instructions to the tee. Or I was not to be placed in that draw and another was opened to see if I fitted in there. It made me question my own sanity and stability being told my symptoms and experiences where fabricated perhaps! How could I possibly even want to get up in the morning I was once asked while another doctor could never understand running (in my terms it is slow pleasure jogging) could not be undertaken if my ligaments and joints ached so much. He never understood the need for movement, which gave me a natural painkiller and mental release. Do you ever see goats not climbing rocks due to arthritic pain? I was probed, prodded and offered all kinds of remedies (some I took but mostly I refused when I noted the side effects offered along with them) that very rarely took in listening to me and working with me.

Fibromyalgia and mercury poisoning from dicey fillings are two rather hard to diagnose health issues I will give you, when your practitioner searches after instead “normal” sicknesses. Then again you do not have signs of being depressive or having anxiety and you’re not “fitting the given mould”, which makes a neat stamp of “this is it” just not possible. So I began to stop wanting to find the reason for my health issues and saw them as trying to tell me something instead. I listened to the areas aching, swelling and blocking me from moving freely. I tried alternative methods of looking into my situation and found that Traditional Chinese Medicine was one element my body not only immediately embraced, it also “saw” in my eye diagnoses what was the root cause of my imbalances. Once I could state to a westernized doctor what I wished to be tested for and the results were off the charts, it was a relief to finally have it confirmed. Yet also it was the start of my baby steps to redirecting my own health – physically and mentally. My stability and sanity could be restored. I was not the “crazy kiwi woman with a strong will” (as one doctor referred to me) but rather the kiwi chick that knew when to go attentively along her way, the right way. Placing one foot before the other, checking the surface, taking time to feel the ground beneath her feet. Throwing away the old shoes and going barefoot for a change was pure pleasure. If I wanted to wear shoes again then I would get some new ones, for the new occasion.

My baby steps have now become a solid part of who I am and how I handle situations today. Life’s cycles still give me situations that rattle my bones or make my heart skip a wild beat. I can be thrown right out of my comfortable sofa chair with an unexpected piece of news. The only difference is I take it as the beginning of something new in the “death” of what has been known and the “birth” of what can be. It is a chance to redirect, perhaps to leave an idea or desire behind or just alone, for the time being.

What makes life valuable to you? Is it the amount of years you have lived or the intensity in which you have lived your given years so far? We often strive for being in our future free from work commitments, extra weight, family responsibilities or health issues so as to really live our true dreams. It is coupled with the belief that what we desire can only be obtained or experienced without this "attached baggage". Though this “attached baggage” is what is there to make us become fully aware of life’s momentums and if wisely packed and taken with us they will open up a whole new panorama of chances in life. It makes you count the way you are living your life within this present moment, as being all that counts. Baby steps make it worth walking my pathway to experiencing the leaping moments of when I can take a larger stride into living life –my way.

Your Koruswhispers

Monday, 2 March 2015

after the storm

It's after the thunder the curtain call falls.
Drawing us back, to reflecting
what was given to us, in the first act.

A gathering of contrasts
captured within the wind, rain and their volume.
Pelting down on the edges
of a parched landscape so thirsty;
in need of answers we do not
yet even process.

The script is read without power.
The lines are heard but no one grasps
Their meaning any more.
For we have become blind to the true tune of life
and the reason you and I
play out our parts.

Or is there still a tiny spark lying smothered
under the density of the clouds,
which when focused upon
throws the whole scene back
into a timeless classic fire ball
of power, passion and possibilities for all?

Your Koruswhispers 

Sunday, 1 March 2015

term friendship please

Friendship, like ships on the ocean it can pass you totally by while your view is focused in another direction. Friendship can only call in at one port at a time where you are standing now for you to embrace. It can be a sinking relationship or a life saving one depending at which moment it approaches you.

Friendship is not earned with the payment of sweat, tears and fear. It is not brought with jewellery, clothes or houses. Trappings of money might provide you an arena in which to dance a friendship “pow wow”. Though it won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing you are really heard. You are noticed for just you. You are valued on simple but potent terms of integrity, trust, honesty and openness in a friendship. These are not lining the hipster shop shelves for purchase.

Friendship will cause you at times heartache, worry and frustration. It is not a commodity that has “best used before” stamped on the backside. Nor will you get a refund if you back a destructive friendship or one that inflicts damages on you and leaves you wondering why should you even bother to start all over again with another. Perhaps you need to ask yourself if even it is worth looking into this friendship thing in the first place?

Oh yes I had (previous stated time span here) these turmoil question/statements often swirling in my head. Usually when I extended my hand to one whom again and again fell for the wrong guy; got her/himself financially stuck and never seemed to get out of the rut. I listened. I gave them space. I gave them a safe place to be. I got from it what? Worn out; tiredness; actually nothing, just frustration at the feeling I was dancing always to the tune they wished to play and I at the end of the day was drained.

Oh yes I remember the suddenness of not hearing any more from a long time friend who had searched out my counsel and hence revealed the darkest side of themselves to me. To use my “talents” to bring their goal further, to bearing fruit. To take my contacts and to call them in the end their own and walk over an area I had inherited by birth, so they could touch upon what I had. To abuse my openness is one thing.  To allow them to use my power was my wrong decision.

Oh yes, it is good to reflect back on the road I have traveled on so far in the last forty-nine years and the friendships I have made along the way. Simply for the reason that I know so much of it is in my past. I have left it behind. Been there and literally done that. I recently came upon two past friendships that ended on their part, abruptly at the time, which had me then wondering why. Both persons had showed their souls to me hence I then in their books knew too much. I saw the murky waters they swam in and understood the disillusion they were experiencing. I was a reminder of things they wanted to forget because no one else had ever been privy to them. That they had dared acknowledge the skeletons in their closets and trusted someone with them was at the time too much for them to acknowledge. Now they greeted me warmly but also with a sense of hesitancy, perhaps more apprehension. I understood why, they did not.

Many people fear the judgment others would hold over another when treated in the manner I was. I am not like that. Instead I see the soul behind the human window dressed mannequin. The image that they presented then and now has various other levels. I “see” them. I accept them. I hold no grudges. I feel just a trace of melancholic wistfulness for the fact that they still turn around the same roundabout to a old repetitive tune. Their footsteps continue to retrace the same worn out pattern on their pathway; in just another pair of threadbare shoes. But I do not ask to walk by their side and join in on the journey once again. That is not a part of my plan.

I have a friendship since several years that is for me a treasured pouch of stardust. We are the same age, same sex but we are of differing nationalities. Totally different upbringings as well but there are some similarities in our live situations, which mean we understand from where the other one is coming when explaining our view to a situation or reacting as we do. She is a person who also says her mind, stands by her opinion or undertakes something she believes in, because it is right for her and not because the world tells her too. And she does not either make an apologue for doing so. She gives no excuses for her action(s). Yet this is not what is so refreshing for me. It is that she does it with an openness and love for the whole situation around her. If you participate on her level, terrific. If not that’s fine too. One could term it “no strings attached” friendship but that would be put to lightly. For it is more that I have been extended the invitation to look at the world through her eyes and she wants just as much to join in seeing things as I do too. It is never about her or me. It is about our unity. It is with awareness that we are melding our pathways at times with another, while still retaining our own individuality. No matter how much we share there is never the need to withhold anything, for what we give of ourselves is a formation of change for all. It uplifts. It expands and takes a form of being part of the world we live in, not a segmented segregated section of it.

My friendships since meeting this dear soul had already began to take on another dimension. For I have chanced. I am not just skin and bones. I am not just a collection of stories from my past. I am not a formation of trades, tricks and notions learned. I am – what? Let me best explain it as the older Korus would to the smaller korus:

Older Korus: “It is so good to see you standing for a moment still dear one. Reflecting upon what you have seen and experienced today. Holding you could say an audience with yourself. Being present and knowing it requires not a stitch from you. You need not give or take. Not be seen or hidden. You’re just simply being who you are – you; unique.”

smaller korus: “You know what I was doing Korus?”

Older Korus: “What where you doing then bean sprout?”

smaller korus: “I was thinking. Stop what you are doing. Sit down. Be outwardly and inwardly quiet. Listen to the stillness. Then ask yourself --- what if I befriended this person or gave them my time here or left a space open in the day for meeting him or her would it make a difference to how I see the world? No need to think on them, which I used to do. Rather how can I be a beacon of light shedding a possibility to change and expand in an area that is dark, dismal and suffocating? Is it necessary to go that far? Then I asked myself what if I dared to ask if I should befriend this person instead?”

Older Korus: “ Oh bean sprout that is going deep. Perhaps more than others are prepared to go you know. Most jut want comfort even if it is destructive.”

smaller Korus: “I realize that but you know Korus, if attitudes are contagious then perhaps mine are worth catching. If I questioned first and reacted secondly I would definitely be practicing unconditional love to myself, towards you and all whom I come in contact with too. Into each nock and cranny it would flow. For when ones spiritual needs are meet by a balanced inner stand then does not happiness, light and love flow through you, to all, so as to benefit yourself and others?”

Older Korus: “ you have grasped the essence of friendship bean sprout. Extend it to others in the manner you offer it to yourself – in harmony with the balance of your own thoughts and deeds and then it is an inspired form of giving that breathes life into the heart and brings grace to the soul.”

smaller Korus: “… and often it all happens when we meet another kindred soul and least expect it. We befriend ourselves!”

Your Koruswhispers

Friday, 27 February 2015

give and take

Give and take and vice versa seem to play a rather strong role in my friendships. Just not always on a balanced scale. Sometimes I could be on the end of giving and giving and giving - nonstop! Or perhaps I see it more as someone taking advantage of my generous, willing nature to help or readiness to come up with a solution when asked. And it becomes a right annoyance that I even extended my hand of friendship in the first place not because of being taken advantage of. No. It is more I am peeved with myself for having allowed this situation to even occur. I feel I have been made to cross over the line when I state enough is enough, which was long called for.

Giving is not done with me handing out a payback ticket for the receiver to cash in at a later date for that matter. It should be always undertaken or done freely. The typical reciting of no strings attached is unconsciously known. While the idea of taking from me should mean as well not to devour me, of all my resources. This includes that I not allow them to the stripped down to the end source or the bare bone, by giving you more than your share to be just abused by your carelessness. I know myself very well. Too well at times and yet can I not step away from my own passivity, towards peaceful conservancy of my world?

A shrivelled faded velvet dressed ego devil under my right armpit asks me "did you really just write that? Rather naughty to not be bending over backwards saying sickly nice things about selfish, down trodden “friend-ies” right?” smirking with glee at the needling. While my angelic love sister with crumpled paper wings, under the left armpit states "of course you did dear and don’t you think it’s your fault if you haven't reached that stage of enlightenment when it all just happens by others feeling your vibes; without you having to let them know whats just or not. You’re still experimenting on exactly which way to grow and that’s just perfect for now! Express when a situation stinks. Rather disrupt the air molecules for a second around you than make something inside you rot! Then everything can come up rosy later on."

Does the above conversation sound a tad familiar? Do you have these verbal mental exchanges too when contemplating which friendship to hold on to and which to let go of once you’ve reached your limit? Pondering on which time not to give a bit more even when you know fully well the other party is on the take for all? Friends and friendships are made not in heaven or hell; through thick or thin or by sweat and tears even though many would have you believe these platitudes.

They are made by my own actions; my own re-actions. I see friendships being welded through a give and take of trust, compassion and love for the person taking an exchange with me as I walk my pathway, exploring whom the heck I am.

You do not need to be friends with a single soul but yourself actually. I can state pleasantries to this or that person but when I have not a steady, warm companionship with the person I am it will ring hallow. When I cannot bear to sit alone with myself for hours in a four walled room, with not a single person to communicate than myself then my inner awareness will be of no support to another. For if I cannot handle who I am, I have no leverage to handle what another would place upon me. I befriend myself first, disregarding what I find overbearing, imposing, demanding, selfish, egoistic and pragmatic.  Then I can see it in others with a clarity that stops me from allowing myself to be “taken for” as an easy pushover.

Ok but this can come over hard for some; as if I was being obnoxious or uppity. Nope that is not it. I have put myself so often out there for others be it in my family or acquaintance circle only to be stabbed in the back with a brutally or sly slight of hand that I know now when to give and when to take. It is what is sadly in my view, not taught enough in the preservation of our mental capacity to exist in this world and leads to levels of depression and burnout and sickness that require a heck of a lot more effect to recover from than stating, “sorry not interested in giving you any more or your taking further from me thanks!”

The business world fosters the taker attitude to a perverse level. How many relationships suffer under the phases of “can’t take that on as I need to work or sorry but I have to give this weekend to the business” to name but a few. How many souls break down under the weight of being stripped of humanity and told to become hardened bearer’s of the modern world and show up to work again and again and always!”

The media world imprints this further with asking you to snip a piece off you here and there and take on a whole new version of what is needed. Only they craftily forget to place the statement you will be left dehydrated of a personality known as you. Instead your framework will be plastered, glued and bolted together with toxic waste that corrodes. Leaving an impression of what once was human only in its heartbeat, which trips over static electronic waves invisibly surrounding and passing through you.

If you have read this far then you know what I am saying is true. Have you drawn the line yet in your barometer for giving and allowing to be taken from my your friends? Do you know how too?

I took wobbly baby steps to start with as I began to learn to be my own best friend first before weeding out my friendship circle. Acknowledging not every person I know needs to be looked after on their birthdays. Giving gifts to those friends whom I wished to acknowledge meant something to me. Telephoning when I wanted to talk and not when I felt I must. Inviting to a personal get-to-together people who interested me. Not those who I felt could provide me with a foot up to somewhere or other.

I then acknowledged that some family members are not given a natural pass to be forever in my life. Just as certain friends are only in my circumference for a short time.  To both it is for my health to say goodbye with a grace in allowing them their lives and me, my space. It is healthy to let go and give no more. It is the art of preservation of your sanity to say you are no more to be taken from. It is the protection of in some cases literally your life.

I have gone now to stronger foot holds which at times stagnate as I revisit an old learned lesson or known life affirmation. Then once I re-establish my self worth I begin again to walk. I remind myself that I have today to formulate my moments into sparkles and gems to wonder at in this present time. I give myself the love that I take as a natural attribute to living my life fully today. I give to me and take the bounty as my natural reward.

Your Koruswhispers

The Listener

The listener doesn’t need to hear For his soul is already attuned; To the sounds that encase him Like a blanket that fits, Snuggly over ...