Give and take and vice versa seem to play a
rather strong role in my friendships. Just not always on a balanced scale.
Sometimes I could be on the end of giving and giving and giving - nonstop! Or
perhaps I see it more as someone taking advantage of my generous,
willing nature to help or readiness to come up with a solution when asked. And
it becomes a right annoyance that I even extended my hand of friendship in the
first place not because of being taken advantage of. No. It is more I am peeved
with myself for having allowed this situation to even occur. I feel I have been made
to cross over the line when I state enough is enough, which was long called
for.
Giving is not done with me handing out a
payback ticket for the receiver to cash in at a later date for that matter.
It should be always undertaken or done freely. The typical reciting of no strings attached is unconsciously known. While the idea of taking from me should
mean as well not to devour me, of all my resources. This includes that I not allow
them to the stripped down to the end source or the bare bone, by giving you more
than your share to be just abused by your carelessness. I know myself very
well. Too well at times and yet can I not step away from my own passivity, towards
peaceful conservancy of my world?
A shrivelled faded velvet dressed ego devil
under my right armpit asks me "did you really just write that? Rather
naughty to not be bending over backwards saying sickly nice things about
selfish, down trodden “friend-ies” right?” smirking with glee at the needling.
While my angelic love sister with crumpled paper wings, under the left armpit states
"of course you did dear and don’t you think it’s your fault if you haven't
reached that stage of enlightenment when it all just happens by others feeling your vibes; without you having to let them know whats just or not. You’re still experimenting
on exactly which way to grow and that’s just perfect for now! Express when a
situation stinks. Rather disrupt the air molecules for a second around you than
make something inside you rot! Then everything can come up rosy later on."
Does the above conversation sound a tad
familiar? Do you have these verbal mental exchanges too when contemplating
which friendship to hold on to and which to let go of once you’ve reached your
limit? Pondering on which time not to give a bit more even when you know fully
well the other party is on the take for all? Friends and friendships are made
not in heaven or hell; through thick or thin or by sweat and tears even though
many would have you believe these platitudes.
They are made by my own actions; my own
re-actions. I see friendships being welded through a give and take of trust,
compassion and love for the person taking an exchange with me as I walk my pathway,
exploring whom the heck I am.
You do not need to be friends with a single
soul but yourself actually. I can state pleasantries to this or that person but
when I have not a steady, warm companionship with the person I am it will ring
hallow. When I cannot bear to sit alone with myself for hours in a four walled room, with
not a single person to communicate than myself then my inner awareness will be
of no support to another. For if I cannot handle who I am, I have no leverage
to handle what another would place upon me. I befriend myself first, disregarding what
I find overbearing, imposing, demanding, selfish, egoistic and pragmatic. Then I can see it in others with a
clarity that stops me from allowing myself to be “taken for” as an easy
pushover.
Ok but this can come over hard for some; as
if I was being obnoxious or uppity. Nope that is not it. I have put myself so
often out there for others be it in my family or acquaintance circle only to be
stabbed in the back with a brutally or sly slight of hand that I know now when
to give and when to take. It is what is sadly in my view, not taught enough in
the preservation of our mental capacity to exist in this world and leads to
levels of depression and burnout and sickness that require a heck of a lot more
effect to recover from than stating, “sorry not interested in giving you any
more or your taking further from me thanks!”
The business world fosters the taker
attitude to a perverse level. How many relationships suffer under the phases of
“can’t take that on as I need to work or sorry but I have to give this weekend
to the business” to name but a few. How many souls break down under the weight
of being stripped of humanity and told to become hardened bearer’s of the
modern world and show up to work again and again and always!”
The media world imprints this further with
asking you to snip a piece off you here and there and take on a whole new
version of what is needed. Only they craftily forget to place the statement you
will be left dehydrated of a personality known as you. Instead your framework
will be plastered, glued and bolted together with toxic waste that corrodes.
Leaving an impression of what once was human only in its heartbeat, which trips
over static electronic waves invisibly surrounding and passing through you.
If you have read this far then you know
what I am saying is true. Have you drawn the line yet in your barometer for
giving and allowing to be taken from my your friends? Do you know how too?
I took wobbly baby steps to start with as I
began to learn to be my own best friend first before weeding out my friendship
circle. Acknowledging not every person I know needs to be looked after on their
birthdays. Giving gifts to those friends whom I wished to acknowledge meant
something to me. Telephoning when I wanted to talk and not when I felt I must.
Inviting to a personal get-to-together people who interested me. Not those who
I felt could provide me with a foot up to somewhere or other.
I then acknowledged that some family members
are not given a natural pass to be forever in my life. Just as certain friends
are only in my circumference for a short time. To both it is for my health to say goodbye with a grace in
allowing them their lives and me, my space. It is healthy to let go and give no
more. It is the art of preservation of your sanity to say you are no more to be
taken from. It is the protection of in some cases literally your life.
I have gone now to stronger foot holds
which at times stagnate as I revisit an old learned lesson or known life
affirmation. Then once I re-establish my self worth I begin again to walk. I
remind myself that I have today to formulate my moments into sparkles and gems
to wonder at in this present time. I give myself the love that I take as a
natural attribute to living my life fully today. I give to me and take the bounty as my natural reward.
Your Koruswhispers