On the 26th of June I ran the Aletsch half
marathon in Bettmeralp, Switzerland. I had not run in a
organized event since
2007, due to a previous meniscus rip and repair operation in my knee, which put
a stop to competition runs. Hence I had invested six months of training into
the preparation for this trail
run so I knew I would finish. All my long runs
up the mountain slopes, behind my doorstep had gone perfectly, even if rain and
fog had been more my companions than sunshine this year. My last run up our own
small mountain, on the last Monday morning before the run, had given me my own
personal best
time and I felt ready for the approaching challenge. Then just
two days later, on Wednesday my immune system began to slacken.
Not surprisingly for me that
just before an event I would be required to join mind, body and soul together
to reach my goal. I seem to experience regularly these self-inflicted
challenges. Often with added doses of other obstacles placed in my way. I
actually have almost hardly ever known it to fold out in any other
form. Once I
would have felt the universe was ganging up on me and making life harder than I
desired it
to be. Now I am aware that I only experience, within the present
moment, what I need to resolve at the time; releasing old habits or no longer
needed patterns, so as to become more in tune with my life and
all its levels.
As you could also say “nothing happens without a reason!”
At the Kindergarten where I
work all were inflicted with either a childhood sickness or the snivels and I
unconsciously accepted, I consciously would pick something up, and deal with
the consequences! I had taken on this running challenge in Advent last year, as
a group of running friends had all raved about the “Aletsch” experience and it
was decided we would either re-live or be participating for the first time
together; accepting the call to ascend from 1900 too 2700m, covering 21km and
feeling the energy of this UNESCO world heritage site the challenge was on.
I heard the mountains personal
call to me. Yes I would be ready even although hesitate because I was at
the
time in a personal transitional period, requiring me do to a lot of soul
searching, so I saw this as part
of my personal therapy. The training runs I
knew would require only my running routes to be longer but
not more units than
my normal programme. And the time spent with Pokie along the trials, etched in
the side of the southern tip of the Black Forest, were only enrichments to my
health and mindset.
Rain, wind, fog, snow, ice and
darkness were my six-month training buddies. The elements demanded protective
clothing and an iron will, to get out and slow pleasure jog, no matter what.
The season summer had been in the mouths of many in our region, a dirty word
this year, though I was glad for the missing
heat as I clocked up my
kilometres. Now my hedging the colds and sickness around me began to put a
spokes in the works.
I realize that if something
doesn’t sit 100% with me I attract that which I fear towards me. It is a
universal law that our minds desires are our future experiences. This scares a
lot of people when they see their
focus has been on not getting this sickness,
job experience or relationship entanglement. Yet the
underlying reason is
rather to challenge us to focus on the potential imbedded within a situation.
Therefore when our thoughts are being directed to achieving the highest good
for all involved and
ourselves too, the strength of these “mind-energy waves”
is intensified.
I took on this running
challenge to kill a demon. While running the K78 Swiss Alpine ultra in Davos
several years ago, I fell over a tree root and ripped my meniscus. As I was not
aware of the damaged I had caused I continued to run but at km 60, at a height
of 2330m, a storm blew in making the organizers shut down the race at this
point, blocking all those reaching this milestone from continuing. I had only
18km left of the
race and was devastated. It has always remained with me like a
bad taste in the mouth, even though I
know to tangle with the elements in the
Alps, is no lightly taken on task. So here I was about to take on the battle of
my weakened system, altitude, the ego and me.
A visit to the chemist on
Thursday morning confirmed what I already knew (when you have an
autoimmune
disease and several other permanent health issues you become very fine-tuned to
caring for your system) this was the beginning of a cold. So I started up the
thyme and sage tea routine along with “juicing”, getting as much sleep as
possible and trying to remain calm. I would go with my hubby and
friends on
Friday to the Alps and make a hard cut decision on Saturday night, if I was to
run on Sunday morning or not.
No fever came. The aches in
the joints and ligaments receded within a day. A slight cough remained on the
bronchial. I was weakened bodily. My mind asked myself why was I doing this?
Just to please my hurt pride from years gone by? To say with fifty you can
still run? Yet this I can I do easily by me at home so why do I put myself
under the stress and competition pressure? Now there lay honestly the golden
question! It
felt it was to show myself a past experience had not been in my
control but it had been my choice how I experienced it.
Do I run for me? Yes.
Did I feel I needed to run to
show others I can? No.
Do I get pleasure out of
running such a hard trial? Yes and No!
When running and hiking after
my pace I love it. Feeling I have to compete with or against others makes
me
cranky. This is just the same for many when faced with challenges where the
levels to be reached, are predetermined by those outside of your personal field
of knowledge. The times set for running are given
by the organization to keep
you actually from harms way, as the ground covered during the race has its
own
difficulties, and requires a fitness level from you, so that you can get
through it still standing.
Sunday was upon me before I
knew it and my mind was made up. Run what you can, march the rest. Time didn’t
matter but competing and completion did. Altitude has a way of pushing you too
your limits and
the first few kilometres had me feeling as if a bulldozer had
run over me, as the body become dense and heavy. The first drink station was
positioned at 5 km and I literally was hanging out for its arrival, as I had
decided against carrying my own drink bottle or for that matter anything else
that could burden my free movement. By 8km came the first need to march as the
assent increased. This was a necessary way to conserve energy for later as I
felt I was coming into my flow. By 11km a short wood stretch, meant shade and
soft ground under my feet before the alpine trails started. Here I was in my
element. Moss, a babbling brook, and mist amongst the undergrowth swirled its
way into the pines over head. A small butterfly flew
in front of me and I to
did the same right over my own feet, “flew” as a sharp stone in the pathway
caught the top of my shoe, sending me several meters along the mountain side.
Winded and startled, I realized I had been totally a drift from what I was
doing (running a race!) and the universe had jolted me back with a start to reality.
Now I had also a spilt right front shoe to contend with.
If you need an instant
reminder of why you have undertaken a task, just daydream for a second and get
jostled back with a whack. So now it was “hobble and recapture my breath”,
while I considered my next move. By the time I reached 15km I knew it would be
jog/march till the end otherwise my shoe would not hold up and my knee had an
interesting twitch going on inside it, meaning it to had also taken on more of
the fall than I realised.
So it is often with endeavours
in life. We plan. We learn. We set ourselves tasks, levels and jobs to
complete
and something just gets in our way, along “the way”. It was at this moment that
the woods
opened up and the Aletsch glacier lay spread out before me disappearing
into the majestic Alps ahead. Oh, such a breath-taking sight. A truly timely
reminder indeed of my smallness and invincibility, in the schema
of the world.
One thought suddenly fleeted
across my consciousness: “If I should die right now, is this run worth being
my
last moment?” A yes came out instantly and with full force. I was doing what I
loved. I was in my element, tackling life with each limp of my body and
mentally in control of what little I could be. I was
living my life, my way,
fully in the day. Simple. To feel your own greatness and realize it is but a
fleck on the whole plan of a larger scaled construction, is to know everything
does have a reason and a season to be played out.
So it was that I marched
forwards, at times slow jogging a few steps but most of all keeping my eyes
wide open to the beauty around me and how I was interacting to its lay out. The
last few kilometres were a reminder of my smallness. I completed the run.
I have some wonderful memories
of this weekend but more importantly I know I need not run ever again
an event
to kill a personal ego demon in my mind, show some one else I can run or feel a
it gives
somehow a validation to who I am.
My fears are self-inflicted.
My limitations self implied. For when we join in unison with our true self and
be present in the now, each experience enriches our capabilities to expand
beyond that which we know. Our knowledge is deeply rooted in being part of all
that we touch, feel, hear and see. To know your self in
depth is to give up to
the mountains call and become once again, very small along the crust of the
earth. Moving forwards. Taking time to let go and let be. Running my way and
being here now within the
moment. Being present in my now. No more or no less.
Perfect, simply as it is.
Korus
