Monday, 31 December 2018

Gratitude is more than an attitude

I have a few spare moments are up my sleeve and feel the inner pull to place the twirling thoughts in my mind into a more solid form. This process of sorting and validating springs from my personal deeper inner need, to keep track of my own development within this moment. For then I am able to gain insight into what I intuitively feel as coming from a deeper source of loving spiritual guidance as relative, against what society might me trying to control me with - by pushing me towards a fear and control-based action, to the reaction they feed my senses.

Naturally on New Year’s Eve this makes even more sense; as the “time between” or the twelve days of Christmas that we find ourselves in, have their own intense pull on our spiritual senses, while the clock ticks by telling our egoistic or mental mind it’s time to get ready for change, chances and a whole new stream of possibilities. Why not? Don’t we all crave the purest of realities where health, wealth and love are in overflow! I can assure you though it’s all attainable but not by following mainstream standards. Although it’s not my point of writing today.

I have not shared my writing for almost, “yikes!” the whole year with you. This was not an intentionally foreseen plan from my side. I have written heaps, filled loads of journals and yet posted very little. For instance, I posted at the beginning of the new year on Instagram about a project of filling a Marson jar with snippets of paper recording the wonderful moments that I am grateful for. My gratitude jar I termed it. I have often during the year thought back upon this desire to place my gratitude into an “enclosed space” to pull out on New Year’s Eve, read and reflect back on how I viewed the sweet happenings that perhaps adjusted and developed my life’s direction(s) this year. As I see the empty jar on my shelf, it is no reflection upon the amount of gratitude I have experienced in 2018, but rather upon how my mental stand to expressing it has shifted. For in the first week of February my way of recognizing gratitude and recording it, due to a dear friend’s terminal illness took a sharp change. It became important for me to instantly acknowledge my gratitude in the present moment and allow its energy to productively spread through, around and beyond me.

My dear friend’s situation brought up once again (for this happens often when we live in the present moment) literally overnight that I am living here now, which is all that counts. It is a process of being present that I preach all the time and live by. Be aware. Be here now. You are accountable for what you think, say and do now, so own your thoughts, stand by your words and live by your actions, which should show your inner truth. They should be a reflect of who you are and where you are going. Yet often to be within the flow of your life, you need to go deep down into your treasure chest of opinions, feelings and emotional attitudes to peel off layer upon layer that which no longer represents who you are today, to make sure you are following your heart and not the egoistic mental mind set dogma, religion, doctrine or community/family values that wishes to control you from your past and feeds on the fear of your future view.

Therefore, I gave out instead my snippets of gratitude daily, instantly to my spirit. Reminding myself why often the path I have taken is an expression of the purest of Koru in this moment. It is not to everyone’s liking and I can get myself cornered into old ways that trap my true self from living in my moment. I am then frustrated as I am pulled between societies and my way. I too can due to my own fast pace and deep need to be absolutely present, get myself caught up into destructive habits that hinder instead of uplift. Or my old family patterns tangle me again in a web of stickiness that needs me to remember who I am and why I do what I do now. Especially when the family into which I was born are physical present in my life. This year had that happening for me on a larger scale than I wanted as my daughter married and the family clans gathered. When my brother just a shade of under six years ago tried to struggle the last breath out of me, I experienced then demons I thought were only a figment of one’s imagination when you read a criminal fiction book or sit through a B rated horror movie. I worked through the horrific situation and came out knowing I can trust myself to be strong and heal. Yet even in healing lies a dormant spark of fear from such a traumatic experience. It was this small unsolved piece of fear that grasped me again this year to test my sanity during the wedding preparations and day itself. I am still grateful for all the angels that helped me that evening in 2013, which was full of pain and disillusionment. I am grateful for a wonderful husband who carried me both figuratively and physically speaking, at the time and my son who gave me such emotional support.

Yet I was reminded again this year to live in gratitude means as well to be able to say when something isn’t right for you and take yourself away from whatever it might be that is destructive to you. I can now say I am grateful for the hard situation of seeing the person who was born as my brother, at my daughter’s wedding and knowing it is not good for me to be near him. He is not my brother. I am grateful for also fully recognizing that the one I choose as my mother is also not able to give me the mothering I need, for she blinds herself to the reality of what happened. I am so grateful that I can clearly see this and take affirmative action to release the fear of not feeling safe or being loved. 

Instead from past situations I can be grateful for the insight into being able to live constructively in the present moment, by being conscious of my inner world so as to deepen my spiritual sphere. The natural process of growth and harmony can then occur and allow me to live spontaneously now so that I can know how to live in the future. 

I am deeply grateful for the experience of death and the feeling of the residue of fear this year. These two aspects in 2018 played a very large role in setting about where and how I am going to step over the threshold of 2018 into 2019 tonight. It is a time in which I am open to me – Koru and my hearts desires, to explore and discover. Where am I going? What do I wish to accomplish and how? What do I desire to change or restructure? What goals should I invest in and which should I let go of? What should I undertake so as do give more sense and fulfillment to my life?

Be brave. Be adventurous. Gasp the new and go for achieving unseen heights. It is time to realize your dormant dreams and strive for that which you crave. Remember that it is only when we follow through on our dreams and desires that give us a direction in our lives that true happiness and contentment can take root and spread.

Wishing you all a happy new year fill of discovering and developing yourself with deepest gratitude for sharing with me your time to read my whispers.

Your Koru

The Listener

The listener doesn’t need to hear For his soul is already attuned; To the sounds that encase him Like a blanket that fits, Snuggly over ...